


Pillows of Wind

by Saeva



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, Temporary Amnesia, This was basically live written (in AIM when that was still a thing)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:07:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22210780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saeva/pseuds/Saeva
Summary: Harry's lost his memory. Sirius just wants to help him recover himself.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Harry Potter
Comments: 18
Kudos: 141





	1. Waking Up, Pleased To Meet You

**Author's Note:**

> This was co-written with koanju (verstehen) over a decade ago. Take that as you will.

Sunlight shoved its way through the windows and unto the bed, getting into his eyes. He tried to reach up a hand to block it out but his arm wouldn't lift. He tried again. His arm was responding but it couldn't lift except for the smallest bit off of the bed underneath him. He risked opening his eyes to look at what was restraining him but shut them immediately as the sunlight burst into his sight. He groaned at the pain that exploded in his head.

"Harry?" a raspy voice asked, squeezing his hand. "You moved. Are you awake?"

He groaned again at the voice. "Loud," he complained.

"You are awake!" The squeeze came at his hand again and the voice sounded happy. "Do you want me to get Madam Pomfrey?"

Who? "Who?"

"Madam Pomfrey." The voice paused and gripped his hand tightly. "Harry, are you all right?"

He blinked his eyes open and then shut them again. "The light's too bright," he said, "and could you at least try to talk in normal levels?" His head was pounding. "Is Madam Pomfrey a sister?" He frowned. That wasn't the word he was thinking of. Not that he could think at all with the way his head refused to stop threatening to explode. "You called me Harry." This man had called him Harry. Like it was his name. He didn't know his name. What was... He tried to yank his hands up again but they stayed securely in place against the bed linen. "Why can't I move?"

"Calm down, Harry," the man said softly. He sounded worried. "I'll get Madam Pomfrey, she'll check you out and then we can go home. Will you be all right alone for a minute while I get her?"

"Why can't I move? I want to be able to move," he said. He didn't know why he wanted to be able to move so desperately but he couldn't be tied down, he couldn't. "Let me up!"

"Calm down," the man repeated. "I'm undoing the restraints, you were having spasms while unconscious, that's why they're there. To protect you." The man uttered a word that he recognized as Latin and the restraints were gone. "It's all right, Harry. You're safe, Voldemort is dead." The man took his hand again and held it tightly.

He wasn't safe. He wasn't. He was confused and he was... god, what was wrong with him? "Who?" He wasn't even sure which who he was asking about at this point.

"Voldemort," the man repeated. "Do you... remember anything, Harry?"

"Is... no, who's Harry?" That seemed to be the most important point. He pulled his hands to his chest, all but yanking his hand away from the man's, and rubbed his wrists carefully.

"You are." The man sighed. "You don't remember anything, do you?"

He blinked and caught his bottom lip between his teeth, considering that question. "I... no... I, uh, remember how to speak and I know you were using Latin for... something. I just... I have no idea who you are, or who I am, and did I hit my head? I hit my head right? I have amnesia?" That was all right. Amnesia usually went away. He'd remember whom he was in awhile. Everything would be fine.

"You have amnesia," the man sighed, still sounding worried. "You've been... ill. Let me get Madam Pomfrey. She'll be able to tell us more, all right?"

"I... all right," he agreed. "Uh, who are you? Just... you know, so I don't have to say 'hey, you' or something..." It was really disconcerting, he decided, that he didn't recognize someone that knew him. Awkward maybe. Right, it felt awkward.

"I'm Sirius." He paused and said another Latin word. "I've dimmed the lights. Do you think you could open your eyes again?"

He nodded and groaned, regretting it, before opening his eyes. "My head still hurts...," he commented, "but the light *is* better."

The man - Sirius - looked rumpled and tired. There were circles under his eyes and his clothing - some sort of black dress - was creased and wrinkled with mud stains on them. He nodded slowly. "Madam Pomfrey should be able to fix that up in no time." He smiled weakly. "I'll be right back, all right?"

"All right..."

Sirius reached out and gently smoothed his hair from his forehead. "I'll be back." He turned and jogged away, heading toward the door. When he opened the door a burst of noise flooded into the room. Sirius stepped outside and shut the door firmly behind him.

He -- his name was Harry, apparently -- laid there, slowly testing what did and didn't hurt to move, out of some compulsion to do so, -- had he been hurt like this before? -- and recognised that except for his head, he felt fine.

After a few minutes, Sirius walked back in the room, with a woman trailing behind him. "He says his head hurts. And he can't remember anything," Sirius informed her hurriedly.

Immediately the woman -- what had the man, Sirius, called her? -- moved to his bedside and took one of his wrists, muttering something in Latin -- he thought it was Latin. He blinked as a number popped in and out of the air.

"Uh, I think... um...," he started. All right, he wasn't going to admit to seeing things, he just wasn't.

"Yes?" the woman prompted.

"My head hurts," he said.

"Give me a moment," she replied. She drew a stick -- a wand, he thought suddenly -- out of her pocket and held it over him, saying a series of words that he was certain were Latin. The second word meant 'breathing', he thought.

"You're checking to make certain I'm not hurt anywhere else? I'm not. I checked," he said.

"You always do, Mister P -- did you notice anything wrong?" Did his surname start with P?

"No, except my head."

"Yes, we'll deal with that first," she agreed walking over to a cabinet and pulling out a bottle of green-blue liquid. The man looked concerned, hovering at the end of the bed.

"Poppy?" he asked quietly. "Will that fix the amnesia as well?"

The woman transferred some of the liquid to a small cup and swirled it. She appeared satisfied as she brought it over to him and turned to the man. "Mister Black, we will discuss that later. As for this, it's merely a pain-killer." She handed him -- his name was Harry, he reminded himself -- the cup and he took it. "Drink that, all of it." He sniffed at the liquid. "Oh, for goodness' sake, it's not poisoned. Drink it!"

He winced as the raise in her voice made a stab of pain go through his skull and drank the liquid. Almost immediately his head felt better. "Uh, wow, thanks. My head's... better. Uh, Sirius? He said your name is Madam Pomfrey?"

"That's right. I am Poppy Pomfrey. I'm your attending... medical caregiver. Tell me, what *do* you remember?"

He blinked. "Uh, nothing?"

Madam Pomfrey nodded and held up her hand, three fingers extended. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three."

She took two down and said, "Please follow my finger with your eyes."

He did as she commanded, slightly confused.

"Just checking the tests we performed," she explained. "You don't have a concussion."

"Um, this is a really stupid question, but... what happened?"

Sirius sat down in the chair next to the bed and took one of Harry's hands in his own. "That's, um, a long story." He looked at Pomfrey. "Can I tell him?"

Pomfrey shook her head. "Best not quite yet. He might remember on his own." She looked down at him. "For now, I think it's best you go eat something and then go back to sleep. I'll have the... staff bring something up for you to eat."

"All right?" He chewed at his lip. He wasn't really hungry but for some reason he thought that arguing with her would be a pointless exercise. "Uh, where am I?"

"At your school," she replied vaguely. "It really is best if you're not overloaded with details at this point. I know you're confused, but it's bound to confuse you further if you're told and you still can't remember."

"Uh, but my name is Harry, right? That's what... Sirius said." He trusted Sirius. Sirius seemed nice and he was worried about him.

Madam Pomfrey looked disapprovingly over at Sirius and replied, "Yes, your name is Harry. Harry Potter."

Sirius smiled at her sheepishly. "Sorry, I didn't know. Er, do you think...?" he trailed off and nodded toward the door.

She nodded briskly. "Yes. I will be back with food in a few minutes. Do not get out of bed. Call if you need anything, either Sirius or I will respond. If I find you wandering around you will be restrained again. Do you understand?"

Harry -- his name was Harry, he repeated to himself -- nodded. "Yes."

Sirius squeezed Harry's hand. "I'll be right back with that food, all right?"

"All right."

Pomfrey surveyed him one more time, before turning and exiting the room he was in. Sirius stood, following her out of the room.

* * *

After a bit, Sirius came back into the room carrying a large tray full of soup and sandwiches. He set the tray next to Harry's bed. "It's *good* to see you awake. Soup first?"

"How long was I out?" Harry asked. He looked at the food and his stomach rolled. "I'm not hungry."

"About a week," Sirius answered immediately, before wincing. "And you have to eat, Poppy's strict orders, and it'd take a stronger man than me to disobey her." He picked up one of the sandwiches and took a bite. "It's good."

Harry looked at the food and smiled weakly. "I think I'll throw up if I try to eat. Just watching you eat is making my stomach turn."

"Oh. Try just a little?" he coaxed. "If you do throw up, that's easily cleaned up."

He made a face and covered his mouth with his hand. "Take it away, please?" he said, his voice muffled by his hand.

Sirius set the half-eaten sandwich back on the tray and pulled out a wand. He pointed it at the tray and it disappeared. "All right." He reached out to smooth Harry's hair. "It's gone."

Harry blinked. "How did you do that?"

"It's, um...," Sirius shifted, not meeting his eyes and looking uncomfortable. "It's part of what Madam Pomfrey doesn't want me to talk about to you."

"Magic, it's magic," he said firmly. He knew that. Magic was real. He knew that.

Sirius gave him a brilliant smile. "Exactly, magic. Do you remember anything about magic?"

He shook his head, considering this. "No. I just... it's magic." He didn't know how he knew it was magic.

Sirius's smile dimmed slightly. "Well, it's a start. Do you, er, want to go back to sleep? Or rest some?"

He shook his head again. "Not sleepy." Sirius's hand brushed his fringe back from forehead and Harry blinked up at him, noticing for the first time that the room was really fuzzy even though his head felt better. "Uh, do I wear glasses?"

"You do." Sirius patted his clothing a bit and pulled out a pair of glasses. Sirius handed them to him. "Here they are."

Harry put the glasses on and smiled. "Wow, not fuzzy."

Sirius laughed. "Usually a good sign."

Harry smiled back. "Yeah." He bit at his lip and examined the man. "Can I have a mirror?" He had no idea what he himself looked like.

Sirius cocked his head to the side, considering. "Can't imagine why Poppy'd object to that." Sirius pointed his wand at his hand and a small hand-mirror appeared. "Here you go."

Harry took it gratefully and pushed himself up into a sitting position. He looked at his reflection. Black hair, green eyes, glasses, a scar on his forehead. None of it looked familiar. He might as well be looking at a stranger. He glanced over at Sirius, disappointed, and his brow furrowed. "Um, you're not my dad, are you? I mean..." Sirius hadn't said he was his dad and he would have if he was, wouldn't he?

Sirius laughed softly. "No, I'm not your father."

"Oh, all right." Harry didn't know why he felt relieved. "I'm at my school?"

"Yes, it's a boarding school." Sirius pointed at the mirror. "Do you need that anymore?" Harry shrugged. "No. Are you my professor then?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, I don't work here."

"Oh, then, you're...?" That didn't leave a lot of options. Harry considered. In fact, that didn't leave many options at all. "Oh. Never mind. Where are my parents?"

Sirius winced and made the mirror disappear with a wave of his wand. He put the wand away and took Harry's hand. "They died when you were little."

"Oh." Harry chewed on his lip. Suddenly he didn't feel the urge to ask anymore questions except... "What happened to me?"

"What do you mean?"

"People don't just randomly lose their memories and this scar," he gestured to the barely healed scar on his forehead, "looks recent."

Sirius winced again. "The scar isn't recent, you've had it since you were a baby." Sirius sighed and his thumb gently rubbed Harry's palm. "You were in... a fight."

"It looks recent," Harry said, frowning, "and it feels sore. A fight with who?"

Sirius shot a worried glance at the door. "A man named Voldemort. It was a magical fight. He, er, gave you that scar. I reckon it might heal up now with him gone."

"I won?" Harry asked, disbelieving. Certainly didn't feel like he'd won. "You won." Sirius looked as if he had more to say, but stopped.

"I reckon you can't tell me why we were fighting in the first place?" Harry laid back down.

Sirius simply shook his head. "I get the feeling I've probably told you too much already by Poppy's standards. Anything safer you want to talk about?"

No, he wanted to remember whom he was fucking talking to and what he was talking about in the first place. He sighed and squeezed at Sirius's hand. "Like what?"

"Your favourite colour?" Sirius offered weakly, smiling.

Harry smiled just as weakly. "Sure."

"Is blue ringing any bells?"

Harry bit his lip. "Uh, no?" He paused. "I remember what blue looks like, though, don't worry."

Sirius grinned. "That's probably a good sign."

"But... so, blue's my favourite colour?"

"No, it's green actually."

Harry frowned and pushed his nails into Sirius's hand. "Don't confuse me." Sirius looked down. "Sorry. It was worth a try."

Harry released his grip on Sirius's hand and smiled softly. "I'll tell you as soon as I remember anything. So, uh, can you tell me where I live? When I'm not at school, I mean."

"You live with me, we've got a house. In Scotland." Sirius looked back up at Harry and returned the smile.

Harry blinked, holding the smile, and shifted his gaze down at Sirius's hand in his. What exactly was Sirus to him? "Oh. Uh, so, what year is it? And how old am I?"

"It's 1998. May. Your birthday's July 31st, so you'll turn 18 in a few months."

"Oh! So, are you my guardian then?" That'd explain it. After all, someone had to have raised him after his parents died.

"Not legally, no. The Headmaster of the school, Dumbledore, is your legal guardian. And you lived with your Aunt and Uncle until this last year when you moved in with me." Sirius paused. "That was probably more information than I should have given you." He frowned and shot another glance at the door.

"I should probably stop asking questions, huh?" Harry asked. He didn't want to though. He wanted to know, now, what was going on and what had happened and how he was going to get better. "Uh, just one more. You talked to the... sister? Or is she a doctor? No, there's a word for this... mediwitch! Right. You talked to the mediwitch. Whatever happened to me, can she reverse it?"

"Poppy says time is the only cure since we don't know exactly what happened with Voldemort's spell to cause the memory loss in the first place." Sirius sighed. "There's spells we could try, but they're risky and without the cause we can't be sure they'll do more damage."

"Oh. Then... what's going to happen?" Harry asked quietly.

"She'll keep you here and we'll sort things out as they come. You'll have plenty of visitors to keep you company," Sirius assured him. "Well, if Poppy lets them in, of course."

"Visitors I won't recognize," Harry pointed out, turning onto his side so he was facing Sirius and burying his face in the pillow as well as he could.

Sirius reached out with his free hand and stroked Harry's hair. "True. But it might help. And they've been worried about you. Especially Ron. I'm sorry," he finished quietly.

"I.. will you tell them first? That I won't... know them? Please?" He turned his face into Sirius's touch. "I -- I think I can trust you, right? You're -- you're important to me somehow." If he could only remember how.

"It's fairly useless for me to say that you can trust me, Harry," Sirius said. "Trust is in the actions, not words." He sounded as if he was speaking from personal experience - and a bad one at that. "But I'll do my best to be trustworthy," Sirius promised. "I'll tell the ones who need to know." Sirius squeezed Harry's hand. "So you remember feelings, even if you don't remember people? The associations are still there?"

Harry nodded slowly, his glasses becoming dislodged in the action, and he reached up a hand to straighten them. "I... when I saw Madam Pomfrey I knew... you listen to her. She's... for some reason I knew arguing was pointless. When I look at you I feel... safe? Good. The associations for good, at least." He frowned. "I don't remember anything about you, though."

Sirius nodded slowly. "That'll help a lot, I think. Even if you don't remember us, you'll be able to pick the ones who care from the ones who don't." He shot another glance at the door and sighed.

Harry chewed his lip. "You can go, if you want. Talk to everyone or... get some rest. You look like you've barely slept in, well, a week. Eat something? I'll be fine on my own. Promise not to wander off."

Sirius shook his head. "If you don't mind, I'd rather stay. But..." he stroked Harry's hair a final time before pulling back. "Whatever you're comfortable with."

Harry frowned. He wanted Sirius to continue stroking his hair. "No," he said quickly. "It's fine. I just... you keep looking at the door."

"Oh!" Sirius laughed and shifted in the chair, scooting closer. "No, I don't want to leave. I'm just wondering how long Poppy will be able to restrain people from bursting in."

Harry smiled. "Good." After a moment the rest of the statement caught up with him. "Restraining people?"

"There's a lot of people who care about you, Harry. Most of them are camped outside that door."

"Oh. I... I reckon I don't mind if they come in?"

"Poppy didn't even want to let me stay once you'd woken up. She told them no visitors until tomorrow." Sirius laughed unexpectedly. "It will be interesting to see if anyone tries to sneak in tonight anyway."

"Oh, so, it's just us for tonight? You are staying, right?"

"If you want me to." Sirius looked down and to the side, before his eyes drifted back up to meet Harry's. "I could understand if you didn't feel comfortable."

Harry bit his lip. He wasn't sure what he felt or if he was missing anything or what Sirius was to him but he knew that he wanted Sirius to stay. "No, please, stay?'

Sirius grinned at him. "Of course. I think at this point I've become a permanent fixture in the room."

Harry nodded. After a few moments of silence, he yawned. "Uh, I'm sort of sleepy... just a bit. Maybe I should take a nap, like Madam Pomfrey said? You look like you could use one as well..."

Sirius nodded and leaned over to kiss Harry's forehead. "Get some rest. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Shouldn't you sleep as well?" Harry bit at his lip. "The chair isn't very comfortable."

"I will, I just wanted to wait until you'd gone back to sleep."

"I... it's all right. You can lay down now." He continued to bite at his lip and then, after a moment, scooted over so there'd be enough space in the bed for two. He wasn't certain what Sirius was to him, but... Sirius obviously had no problem with touching and it was comforting.

Sirius studied Harry for a moment before speaking, "I don't want to crowd you. Not when you don't remember me."

"I remember I feel safe with you," Harry said. "I don't mind, really. I'd just... feel better if I knew you were sleeping as well."

Sirius nodded slowly and climbed into the bed. He took care not to touch Harry other than their joined hands. "Go to sleep," Sirius smiled.

Harry nodded and yawned again sleepily. "All right." Reaching up with his free hand, he removed his glasses and stretched over Sirius to set them on the table next to the bed. Settling back in to his spot he kissed Sirius's cheek lightly, the same way Sirius had kissed his forehead, and closed his eyes. "Go to sleep."

"You first," Sirius said quietly. He settled on his stomach and squeezed Harry's hand.

Harry squeezed back and scooted in a bit so he was leaning against Sirius's side, their hands trapped between his chest and the side of Sirius's. He pulled the blanket up around him from where it'd been kicked to the bottom of the bed and sighed sleepily. "Sleepy."

"Rest. I'll be here."

"All right." Harry yawned again and drifted off into sleep.

Ϟ

He groaned and yawned, attempting to shift his position -- his arm felt cramped -- as he reached up with one hand to rub the sleep out of his eyes. When that was done he opened his eyes and looked around, trying to move again. After a moment he realised that the reason he couldn't shift was because there was an arm around his waist and his memory of the night before -- what little memory he had left -- came rushing back in images. Amnesia, headache, a man named Sirius, who he trusted even though he couldn't remember why, that seemed very close to him. Harry, his own name was Harry; he needed to remember that.

As he tried to push against the arm wrapped around his back, the grip tightened pulling him closer to the warm body. He sighed and unclenched the death grip Sirius had on his left hand. After his hand was free he decided that it wouldn't hurt to lie there a bit longer. Sirius looked like he needed the sleep.

His movements seemed to wake the other man up slightly. "Harry?" Sirius blinked slightly and released his grip on Harry to rub his eyes. "All right?" Sirius sat up and looked down at him.

He -- Harry -- nodded. "I'm all right. Go back to sleep? I didn't mean to wake you."

Sirius shook his head. "No, I'm fine. Are you feeling better? Think you could do with some food?"

Harry groaned and hid his face in the pillow. He felt Sirius reach out and touch the back of his head. "I'll take that as a no. It's Madam Pomfrey you'll have to convince." Sirius shifted and his weight left the bed.

Harry sighed. "Where are you going?"

"Moving to the chair, that's all." There was the sound of a body flopping down next to the bed.

"Oh. You don't have to. You still look tired."

"It's your bed, you need it more than I do." Sirius sighed quietly. "I reckon I should get Poppy now that you're awake.

Harry frowned. "Then use the bed over there?" He pointed. "Because I really don't think I do."

Sirius smiled at him. "I'm fine, really. Do you need more sleep?"

"Not sleepy."

"All right. I'll get Madam Pomfrey; she wanted to know when you woke up. I'll be right back, all right?"

Harry chewed on his lip. "Sure."

Sirius stood and reached out to touch the back of Harry's hand. "Do you remember anything?"

After a moment Harry sighed, watching the hopeful expression on Sirius's face. "No. The only thing I remember is last night." He paused. "Can you hand me my glasses?"

"Sure," Sirius grabbed the glasses off the nightstand and handed them to Harry. He looked down at himself and sighed, before casting a spell that wiped the dirt off his clothes and freed them of wrinkles. "I'll be right back," he repeated, before heading to the door and leaving the room quickly.

Harry put his glasses on slowly and turned onto his back, looking over at the door Sirius had exited. Sirius obviously cared about him, a lot, and he felt... something for Sirius, a confusing something. He sighed and decided that, since his memory was going to come back any time now, it wasn't important at the moment.

Sirius came back into the room, followed by the woman from the night before and an old, white-haired man. Sirius was carrying a tray of food. The old man smiled at Harry. "It's good to see you awake, Harry. We've all been quite worried about you." He noticed Sirius send a dark look at the old man before he sat the tray on the nightstand.

"Hope you don't mind me eating, Harry?" Sirius asked, sitting down in the chair and starting on a sandwich. "Help yourself, if you want one."

Harry shook his head. "I... they're not making stomach turn like last night." He watched Sirius's expression lighten and sighed. "I reckon I could try one..." He pushed himself up into sitting position and gingerly took the half a sandwich Sirius offered him. Madam Pomfrey looked on approvingly and the old man surveyed the scene. Harry frowned and took a moment, biting into the sandwich to cover up his silence, to analyze his own reaction. He liked this man, he was certain of it, but he didn't trust him, not at all. Especially not like he trusted Sirius. Slowly, he chewed his bite of sandwich and swallowed. "Uh, sorry, but you are?"

"I am Albus Dumbledore, Harry, the Headmaster of this - your - school," the old man answered. "Do you feel up to a few visitors?"

Sirius froze and glared at the old man. "You can't be serious, Albus, he can't answer any questions like this!"

"Visitors? I mean, so long as they knew I couldn't remember," Harry said, confused.

Madam Pomfrey came over the other side of the bed and started to run the wand above him again. She hummed. "Physically, aside from the memory loss, he's in perfectly fine condition." She glared disapprovingly at Dumbledore.

"Yes, that's actually the point," the man said. "Once it's demonstrated that Harry *can't* remember, they'll leave."

"Oh, yeah, they'll leave," Sirius said sourly. "And print whatever wild story they make up first." Sirius looked over at Harry. "You're famous, Harry. Albus wants you to talk to some reporters."

"I... why? I can't tell them anything?" Harry asked, watching the two men. "Can't you just tell them that, uh, Headmaster?"

"You don't have to," Sirius said firmly.

The headmaster nodded slowly. "You will have to face them, Harry. When you're ready."

"When my memory comes back," Harry replied firmly. "So, you know, I can actually remember what I did."

The headmaster looked at Sirius. "Did he have his wand with him when you reached Harry?" Sirius shook his head and went back to his sandwich.

"Wand. Right. I'd have a wand. I can do magic," he frowned and paused. "Right?"

"You can," the headmaster confirmed. "This is Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. You are a student in your last year here."

"And that's enough!" Madam Pomfrey said suddenly. "Harry may have one visitor at a time and your time is up Headmaster. Please send in Ron when you leave." She pointed to the door and then looked at Harry. "If you feel up to it, dear."

Harry took another bite of his sandwich, which was slowly being finished, and nodded. "All right," he said after he had swallowed.

"Ron's your best friend," Sirius said quietly as the headmaster nodded at Harry, smiled, and left. He looked at Madam Pomfrey. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"No, honestly, I'm not. If Harry had suffered a memory charm backfiring I would be able to fix that. However, the charm he -- you, that is," she turned to Harry and started talking to him instead of Sirius. "The charm you were hit with, from what we can tell, wasn't meant to erase memories. At least, not originally. It was distorted by something you did, I believe. However, as we can't find either your wand or Voldemort's, it's likely they were both destroyed in the blast that knocked you out, we can't figure out what he did or the distortion thereof, unless you remember. Of course, if you remember we won't actually need to know."

Harry bit his lip. "Well, I will remember, won't I? I mean, this is just temporary probably, right? Most charms are temporary."

"We can hope but without knowing what was done I honestly can't promise you will remember on your own. That's the only reason why I'm allowing your friends around. I'm hoping it will jog your memory, so to speak," she explained calmly. "If you don't remember, however, I'm certain your friends will be very supportive. I know Sirius here will and Remus Lupin, your favourite professor."

The door opened and a redhead who looked about his age poked his head in. The redhead grinned widely at him and stepped in. "Harry!"

"Harry," Sirius introduced him, "this is Ron Weasley."

The redhead walked up to the bed, smile dropping. "You don't remember?"

Harry frowned, then forced a smile on his face, as he looked over the redhead. Tall, lean, lots of freckles. The association of affection that he reckoned meant 'friend' to his memory-less brain. "Uh, no. There was an accident. At least, that's what they tell me. You're my best friend?"

The boy nodded, looking aggravated. "I can't believe you really don't remember! Especially with Hermione -"

"He doesn't remember," Sirius cut the boy off quietly.

"Who's Hermione?"

"She was our friend, Harry," Ron said furiously. "And you can't remember her!"

Harry shrunk back and looked at Sirius for help. "I wish I could. I didn't mean to forget. It was an accident. Something happened... I can't even remember my own name. I didn't want this," he tried to explain. He frowned and then blinked, looking back over at the redhead -- Ron. "Was?"

Sirius looked warily over at Madam Pomfrey. "She was killed two months ago, Harry. Ron, calm down."

"He doesn't remember! Anything!"

Sirius looked at Harry and saw something in his expression. He stood and guided Ron to the door, talking quietly to him. Harry caught the words "come back later." Ron left, still looking furious. Sirius turned back to Harry. "Sorry about that. It's been a bad couple of months. No more visitors today?"

Harry shook slightly. "I -- I want to remember."

Madam Pomfrey huffed. "Well, after that -- display. It can't get worse. The rest of the Weasley family is here. To help with putting things back together and they were waiting for you to wake up. Molly Weasley, that'd be Ron's mother, will still want to see you. The woman refuses to believe me when I say you're physically fine." She huffed again. "It's up to you Mister Potter."

Harry managed to still his shaking limbs and nodded slowly. "Sirius?"

"I know you want to remember, Harry," Sirius took Harry's hand and sat on the edge of the bed. "Molly's a bit like a surrogate aunt for you, if you did want to see someone else. I'm sure she's taking Ron to task for reacting that way right now."

"I... all right," he said, nodding again slowly. "Just for a bit."

Madam Pomfrey nodded sharply. "I have some things to attend to. I will send her in on my way out. No longer than fifteen minutes, Mister Black. Understood?"

Sirius looked over at Madam Pomfrey, seeming vaguely insulted. "Of course, Poppy. You know best." Sirius squeezed his hand and turned to wink at him.

"I still remember your antics with Mister Lupin, Mister Black," she warned him and, after running a set of spells on Harry once more, left.

A few minutes later a plump, friendly looking woman in a yellow and green robe -- they were called robes, Harry thought -- hurried into the room. "And don't you move a muscle, Ronald Weasley!" she said right before the door snapped shut behind her.

He noticed Sirius biting his lips to hold back a grin. "Molly." he nodded to the woman.

She walked over to him and engulfed Harry in a hug. "I'm glad you're all right, dear." She pulled back and began patting him down, checking for injuries.

"Uh, thanks?"

"Whatever are you thanking me for?" she asked, pulling the blankets up around his chin.

Harry blinked at her and pulled the blankets back down. Sirius seemed to be losing the battle not to grin. "Uh, for the concern? Um. I have amnesia. That's why, er, Ron is upset. I think."

She smiled down at him and patted his shoulder, sitting on the edge of the bed opposite Sirius. "I'm Molly Weasley, Ron's mother." He looked over at Sirius. "And you stop laughing, Sirius Black, I remember Bill's stories about you and your friends."

Sirius held up his free hand in a peace-making gesture. "You'll hear not a peep out of me, Molly. Promise." He made an 'X' over his heart. She shook her head at him and turned back to Harry.

"Are you feeling all right, dear? Other than the obvious, of course." She pushed the fringe of Harry's hair out of his face.

Harry nodded slowly. "I wish I could remember, but I'm not in pain or anything..."

"It'll come back to you, I'm sure," she said confidently. Sirius moved to take another sandwich and Molly spotted the plate. She reached out and smacked Sirius's hand lightly. "That's for him, stop being a glutton."

Sirius sent Harry a wry look. "Of course." His voice rose slightly in imitation. "You're too thin, Harry, you have to eat more! How are you going to settle down with a nice girl if you don't eat!"

Molly raised her eyebrows at Sirius. "What was that about 'not a peep'?" she asked before laughing.

"Uh, so, I, um, like girls? Er, do I have a girlfriend..." Harry trailed off, embarrassed. "Just, so, you know, if I do I won't be a complete idiot about it."

"You actually don't date," Sirius informed him.

"And I don't nag like that either," Molly laughed.

Harry blinked. "I don't date?" He frowned. Things would be so much easier if others weren't so vague. "Uh, what do I usually call you? Mrs. Weasley?"

Sirius shook his head. "No, you were too busy to date, Harry. And there were other issues, but time was the problem."

"You generally call me Mrs. Weasley," she answered. "Though I'd answer to Aunt Molly." She smiled kindly at him.

"Oh," Harry said, biting his lip. What sort of other issues? "But I do like girls?" There. If he liked girls then that would answer the question. He had the sudden desire to laugh. God, he had to ask about his own sexual orientation.

Sirius eyed Molly a bit before answered. "You're attracted to both men and women."

Molly leaned over Harry and patted Sirius on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it. I gave up on the idea long before Ginny did." She looked at Harry. "Ginny's my youngest, a year younger than you. She had a bit of a crush on you."

Harry continued to chew his lip and frowned. Now he was more confused then when he'd started. "Oh." They lapsed into silence.

"Now," Molly said, brushing Harry's fringe back again, "is there anything you'd like me to bring? Clothes? Books?"

"Uh, clothes, maybe?" He shifted. "The hospital gown isn't very comfortable."

Molly laughed. "They never are, dear. I'll have Ron get some of your things from your trunk in the dorm. There's no telling how long Poppy will keep you here."

Harry turned to Sirius. "You said we could go home after? When she let me go?"

Sirius gave him a small smile. "That was before you had amnesia. Or before we knew, at least. Poppy wants to keep you under observation for another day or so. If nothing comes back within 48 hours, we get to go home."

"Uh, when it is? I mean, I can't go to class like this, I reckon. Right? Will I have to, um, do the year over? Or is the year over already? You said it was May?"

"The year ends in just a few weeks, Harry, I wouldn't worry about doing it over." Sirius paused. "Well, unless you wanted to. And it's May 17th."

"The 18th, actually," Molly corrected him. "It's a Monday."

Harry blinked. "All right..."

"You're pretty much done already," Sirius explained. "You've taken your N.E.W.T.s, so it's pretty much just filler until the year ends."

"And victory parties," Molly put in, "though I suspect you'll be wanting to skip those."

Harry nodded. "I just want to go home," he said quietly.

Sirius nodded and squeezed his hand. "Right. Will do. Even if I have to smuggle you out under Poppy's nose."

Molly laughed. "I'm sure she's ready for your tricks."

Harry squeezed Sirius's hand back and looked over at Molly. "Thanks. For the clothing. Uh, you don't have to though, bother Ron. He seems pretty... shaken up."

Molly smiled painfully. "It's been a hard year for him, dear. He'll come around. He doesn't mean to take it out on you, really. It's just to him; it's like losing his best friend all over again. Especially without Hermione there to catch him." She shook her head. "Don't mind about the clothing. He'll be happy to help. Really." She patted Harry on the shoulder and stood. "I believe I've stayed longer than Poppy wanted me to. Let me know if you need anything, dear." Molly smiled at both Harry and Sirius and walked toward the door.

"Bye," Harry said softly.

Sirius sighed and glanced at the door. "I know I probably shouldn't do this, Poppy won't be pleased, but is there anything you want to know? You deserve answers and I hate seeing you so confused."

Harry jumped at the chance, quickly asking, "What happened to me? Who's Voldemort? Why were we fighting? What happened to me?"

"That's a bit of a long story," Sirius sighed. "I was actually hoping you'd ask something else first." He moved off the bed and pulled the chair close, sitting down in it. "Voldemort was born several years ago, somewhere in the 1930s as Tom Riddle. He grew up in an orphanage until he was eleven and was told that he was a wizard." Sirius leaned back in the chair. "That's when magical education starts - when you're eleven. He came to Hogwarts and started hating Muggles. Maybe he hated them even before then. So Voldemort grew up and decided to launch a revolution - separate the magical and Muggle worlds completely, because Muggles were dangerous. This escalated - it happened about twenty years ago - until you were born. There was a prophecy that you'd defeat Voldemort finally. So he targeted you and your parents. Killed your parents when you were one. Tried to kill you and failed. He didn't die, but lost his body. Took him thirteen years to get a new one. And he still came after you, over and over. Until this last attack. Now he's gone for good."

Harry blinked again and slunk down on the bed, pulling his knees up his chest. "Oh," he said quietly. "Uh, did I -- well, everyone's acting like -- that is -- he's dead, right? Who killed him?"

"You did, Harry."

Harry chewed at his lip and slunk down farther. "Oh. You'd think I'd remember that at least," he commented.

"I actually hope you don't remember that, Harry," Sirius said. "Killing is - even when necessary - something I don't want you to have to experience."

"I already did," Harry said, his voice rising. "Even though I don't -- can't -- remember it, I did it. I did it."

Sirius looked away. "I know," he said softly. "And you have no idea how much I regret that."

"I should be able to remember something like that!" Harry said, bordering on shouting. "I should! I should be able to remember I killed someone and my friend's dead and -- who you are. All of it! And I can't. Why can't I remember?" He rocked slightly back and forth, trembling from head to toe.

Sirius quickly moved to the bed and hoisted Harry up, pulling Harry into his lap and holding him. "I don't know why you can't remember. But we'll sort it out, one way or another. It's going to be all right."

"Promise?" Harry all but whispered, burying his face in Sirius's chest.

Sirius hugged him tightly. "Promise. We'll work it out."

Harry took a deep breath and forced himself to stop shaking. He reached up, righted his glasses, and blushed. "Sorry."

"No need to apologize," Sirius didn't let go. "It has to be overwhelming. *I'm* sorry, I shouldn't have dumped all that on you."

"I asked."

"And I should have known better. All right now?"

Harry nodded slowly. "Yes."

Sirius stroked Harry's hair and pulled back to looked down at him. "Anything else I should tell you? Or that you want to know?"

"I... don't know," he replied quietly.

Sirius nodded. "All right. You've probably had your quota of distressing revelations for the day anyway." He smiled.

"Well, you could tell me something not distressing?"

"Well," Sirius considered. "Where to start? You're famous. And rich. A great wizard. You've got a lot of people who care about you and will care about you even if you don't remember who you are. You're alive."

Harry smiled and leaned into Sirius's chest. "Good to know it's not all bad memories."

"No, not hardly. Just been a hard year on all of us. There's plenty of good in there."

Harry's smile widened. "Uh, my family? You said my aunt and uncle raised me? Are they here?"

Sirius stiffened. "No, they aren't." He paused, looking worried. "You didn't get along with them very well. They weren't exactly nice people."

"Oh," Harry replied quietly. "You know, I'm just going to stop asking questions now if that's all right with you."

Sirius nodded and set his hand on Harry's head. "All right. I understand." He ruffled Harry's hair. "Do you want to rest some more?"

"Not tired," Harry replied. "Just... I don't think I'm up to seeing anyone... not new I reckon."

"Don't think Poppy would let anyone in," Sirius observed.

"Good."

"What do you want to do, Harry?"

"I want to go home," Harry said firmly.

"Now?" Sirius asked.

Harry nodded. "I know... I'm not allowed, but... I just..." he trailed off.

Sirius shook his head and smiled. "No, if you want to go now, we'll go. Can you give me about ten minutes to get some things we'll need to get past Poppy's guard?"

Harry nodded. "Really? I mean, shouldn't we listen to Madam Pomfrey? I want... but... all right. I'll be here when you get back." He smiled.

"We probably should listen to her, but I don't see how it makes any different where you recover if there's nothing physically wrong." Sirius ruffled Harry's hair again and shifted Harry off his lap, standing. "I'll be back as quickly as I can."

Harry nodded, still smiling, and sat back against the pillows. "I'll be here."

Sirius smiled back and left the room at a jog.

Harry watched the door anxiously.

After a while, the door opened and shut quietly, but no one was there. "Ready to go?" Sirius's voice asked from nowhere.

Harry blinked. "Where are you? And I need clothes, don't I?"

There was rustling and Sirius appeared, holding a cloak and a bag. He grinned. "I've got clothes right here, and you have things at home. Come on, stand up."

Harry shifted and dropped his legs over the side of the bed before setting them carefully on the floor and standing up. Immediately he grabbed at the edge of the bed, his legs wobbling beneath him. Sirius frowned and rushed towards him. "I thought she said I was all right?"

"You have been unconscious for a week, I reckon it makes sense you'd be a bit unsteady." Sirius wrapped an arm around Harry's waist, holding him up. "Hmm, we may have to scrap this plan and come up with a new one."

Harry frowned. "No. I don't want to stay here. I'll be fine. Just getting on my feet was a bit of a shock," he said insistently. "Give me a few minutes to get use to it."

"All right, but if you start having problems, tell me."

Harry nodded and took a couple of steps, Sirius moving with him. His legs shook a bit but he didn't feel like he was going to collapse and he pushed Sirius's arm away after a few moments, taking a couple of steps by himself, making certain to stay close to the bed. After a few minutes he felt as he could go ten feet without collapsing and he nodded. "All right. Ready. How far do we have to walk?"

"Here's the plan. You wear the cloak - it'll keep you invisible. We should be able to just walk right out of here. You need to at least get out of the Infirmary on your own power before I can try and do any sort of magic to help you out." Sirius turned to the bed and started rearranging the covers so it looked like someone was still sleeping there. "Once we get outside of the castle, we'll both have to squeeze under the cloak. Then it's a simple matter of Apparating home." He sighed. "I almost wish I'd opened the Floo connection from Hogwarts, it would be much quicker."

Harry nodded and picked up the cloak from where Sirius had set it down, pulling it over himself. "Am I invisible?"

"All but your feet," Sirius grinned and walked over, adjusting the cloak so that it covered Harry fully. "Try and walk quietly," he said to the space Harry had occupied. "And if you can without being detected, hold onto my robes, so I know you're still there." He smiled. "Ready for your great getaway?"

Harry snickered and walked over, grabbing the sleeve of Sirius's robe. "Yes. I'm not getting dressed first, the gown and trousers will do."

Sirius laughed. "Oh! Sorry, didn't even think." He rummaged in the bag and pulled out a robe for Harry to wear, holding it out. "How's this?"

Harry pushed the cloak off and grabbed the robe. After a minute he flushed, "Uh, are there, um, any pants in there?"

Sirius held out the bag. "I pretty much just grabbed things at random. You've got clothes at home, so I didn't think much of it."

Harry rummaged through the bag until he came across a pair of boxers and set them on the bed. Tugging the shirt off he pulled the robe over his head and then discarded the trousers and put on the boxers. In less than a minute he was dressed and ready. He glanced anxiously at the door. "Let's go." He picked the cloak back up and shoved his hospital wear under the blanket. He pulled the cloak over his head. "All right?"

"Can't see you at all," Sirius grinned and moved to pick up the bag, shouldering it. Sirius took a deep breath and opened the door, Harry following. Outside there was a large group of redheaded people, including Molly and Ron Weasley, sitting in a circle of chairs talking quietly. Near them was a tired-looking man with graying hair. He stood and walked over to Sirius. Sirius smiled at him and took his hand, quickly letting go. There was a flash of paper that the man concealed almost instantly. "Didn't grab enough clothes on the first trip. Tell Poppy I'll be back, will you, Remus?"

The man nodded. "Of course." Sirius smiled at him and started walking out of the Infirmary proper.

Harry followed carefully, touching Sirius's arm every couple of seconds, until they were out of Hogwarts castle and then the grounds. As soon as they were he leaned against Sirius and caught his breath. "Wow. That seems like a really, really long walk," he said quietly.

Sirius turned and felt until he removed the hood of the cloak. "Going to be all right?" he asked.

Harry nodded softly. "Yes. That was the hard part, right?"

Sirius nodded. "We've got a bit farther to go before we get past the Apparation boundaries, but yes, that's the hard part." He took the cloak and folded it, putting it away in the bag. Sirius pointed his wand at Harry. "Mobilio corpus. Just rest, I'll do the rest of the work."

Harry shook his head at the weird feeling. "No, I'll walk. That feels... wrong."

Sirius stopped and cancelled the spell. "Are you sure?"

Harry nodded. "Yes." He smiled reassuringly at Sirius. "Let's go."

Sirius continued to watch him dubiously. "All right, but we're taking it slowly." He started walking, keeping close to Harry's side.

Harry walked along with him, waiting for Sirius to say when.

"All right. We can Apparate now." Sirius paused. "This is going to feel a little weird. You'll probably be a bit nauseous."

"All right," Harry said carefully.

Sirius nodded. "All right, here we go." He placed his hand on Harry's shoulder, raised his wand and said the spell.

Harry's stomach jolted as they appeared on a beach and he groaned.

Sirius steadied him. "I did warn you," he said a bit sheepishly. "Do you need to sit down?"

Harry shook his head and looked up. His eyes went slightly wide at the sight of a large, brown and green two-story house set up a few hundred meters on the beach. "This is where we live?" he asked. "It's nice."

Sirius beamed at him. "It is." He took Harry's hand and tugged gently. "Come on, I'll show you around."

Harry smiled back and followed, keeping hold of Sirius's hand. "All right."

The reached the house quickly and Sirius tapped the door with his wand, unlocking it. "It's fairly large. The living room, kitchen, library and dining room are down here," he said pointing toward each room in turn, "the game room, storage and bedrooms are all upstairs. There's a bathroom on both floors." He grinned. "I doubt you'll get lost."

Harry smiled. "All right. Can I go somewhere to rest? And you need some sleep as well." He frowned at Sirius, looking him over once more. There were still bags underneath his eyes and the sleep he had gotten the night before didn't show at all. "All right?"

Sirius nodded. "The bedroom's this way." He started toward the stairs.

Harry followed Sirius up the stairs happily, yawning widely.

"Funny how tired sleeping for a week makes you," Sirius joked. He led the way down the hall and stopped at the end, opening the door. He stepped in the bedroom and sat the bag to the right of the door. "Want anything to eat first?"

Harry considered that for a moment before shaking his head. "No, I just want to sleep." He looked around the room, hoping he would remember something. He sighed when nothing came to him. It was just a room. A bed, a nightstand, a desk, some books. It could have been anyone's room. He yawned again.

"Get some rest and call me if you need anything." Sirius grinned a bit sheepishly. "I think I'm going to grab a shower and some food."

"All right," Harry agreed. "I'll see you later." He stepped into the room fully and started to pull his robe off. "Thanks." The robe came off and he walked over to the bed, pulling back the covers, and climbed in. "Don't forget to sleep," he said.

"Course not. Feel free to explore a bit, when you wake up. Sleep well." Sirius turned toward the door.

Harry turned on his side and pulled the covers over himself. A few minutes later, he was asleep.


	2. Adjusting,

Harry woke up to the sound of screaming. It took him three full seconds to realise the screaming was him and stop it. His eyes snapped open and his muscles clenched and he shut his mouth tight when he did manage to stop but it was too late, he could hear Sirius bounding up the stairs. His chest heaved as he tried to regain his breath and he could feel his pulse banging in his temples before it slowly faded. By the time Sirius was in the room he was only breathing a bit erratically and shaking just a little.

Sirius rushed over and sat on the edge of the bed. He reached over and lightly touched Harry's shoulder. "It's okay, you're safe," Sirius said reassuringly. "You're home."

Harry flinched away from the touch just a little before shifting back into it. "What?" he asked groggily. The images of his dreams edged away as he entered full consciousness.

Sirius pulled his hand back. "You were screaming. Was it a nightmare?"

Harry nodded slowly. "I think so. I just... woke up like that. Sorry. Did I wake you?"

"No, and even if you had, it would have been all right."

Harry frowned up at him and turned so that he was lying on his back. "You were supposed to sleep."

"I got some sleep, don't worry."

"How long have I been out then?"

Sirius smiled sheepishly. "About six hours now."

"So, you slept an hour, maybe two?"

"Try four," Sirius corrected. "Do you want some more sleep or can I fix you some food? Let you explore a bit?"

"Only four?" Harry asked disapprovingly.

"I'm *fine*," Sirius said firmly. "Really. It's you I'm worried about." He stood. "Stay here, I'm going to bring you some food. And you're going to eat it."

Harry's stomach rumbled. "All right."

Sirius grinned at him. "That's the best sound I've heard all day. Be right back." He trotted out of the room.

Harry sat up in the bed, arranging the pillows behind him, and looked around the room. The room was decorated in green, brown, and black. Sirius had said his favourite colour was green, he remembered, which would explain why a dark green theme dominated the room. Drapes, heavy ones it seemed as he didn't remember seeing light from the window before and he couldn't see any now, hung over what he assumed was a window. The room was dark, except for light sources in the corners, casting a warm glow over the room. He saw how he might like it, but he still didn't recognize anything.

A few minutes later Sirius walked back in, floating a loaded tray of bread and pasta behind him. There were two plates and glasses of water. He walked back to the bedside and picked up Harry's glasses, handing them to him who put them on. "Here you go." Sirius turned and took hold of the tray setting it on top of the nightstand. He began dishing out the spaghetti onto the plates, added a few slices of bread and handed one of the plates to Harry. "Eat up."

Harry looked the plate over and frowned dubiously. "I don't think my stomach'll hold all that."

"Well, take a stab at it, and if you don't eat it all, well, that's all right." Sirius smiled and sat on the edge of the bed, balancing his plate on his thighs.

Harry scooted the tray over on the nightstand, set the plate in the cleared space, and shifted so he could use it as a temporary table, before attacking the food with fervor. Now that he could smell and see the food he was starving. Quickly most of the food disappeared into his stomach, leaving only a few bites of spaghetti and two pieces of bread.

"Want more?" Sirius asked, pointing at the remaining spaghetti. He had half cleared his own plate.

Harry shook his head. "No. I think eating more would be a bad idea," he said, pushing his plate away and settling back on the bed.

Sirius nodded. "All right." He took a few bites. "Do you remember what your nightmare was about?"

Harry chewed on his lip, tasting the spaghetti sauce, and sat back into the pillows. "No. Nothing."

Sirius nodded again, smiling. "All right. I suspect we might have a few owls today. Though I'll count myself lucky if the *only* thing Poppy sends me is a Howler." He finished off his spaghetti and started on the bread.

"Are you going to get in trouble?"

"Oh, Poppy'll be justifiably irate, but she won't do anything that isn't fixable. It'd go against her code of ethics."

"Sorry," Harry said quietly. "I didn't want to get you in trouble I just... did I use to hate the hospital wing?"

Sirius laughed and nodded. "You used to tell me they were going to have to name a bed in your honour by the time you left Hogwarts, you'd spent so much time there. Mostly Quidditch injuries." Sirius took the last bite of bread and used it to wipe his plate clean of sauce. "That's a sport, you play on broomsticks." He popped the last bite into his mouth and swallowed before continuing. "Of course, pretty much everyone hates it."

"I know what Quidditch is, Sirius," Harry said flatly. "I don't know how I know but I know."

"Oh, sorry." He looked down at his plate. "Didn't mean to be patronizing." Sirius took a breath and started collecting the dishes. He picked up the tray, moving one of the glasses to the nightstand and stood. "If you want anything, let me know."

"I'm sorry," Harry said quickly. "I'm just... edgy. I didn't mean. You don't have to leave?"

Sirius gave him a smile. "I don't want to crowd you, Harry."

"I don't -- you're not -- I don't feel crowded that is because you're not crowding," he said then frowned. "Er, I'm just going to be quiet until my brain regains the ability to form sentences all right?"

Sirius laughed. "Think you'll regain that ability in the time it takes me to run this down to the kitchen and come back?"

Harry nodded, mouth still shut.

Sirius laughed again. "I'll be right back." He left the room, carrying the tray off.

Harry bit his lip and watched the door, confused. Sirius didn't want to crowd him? What did he consider crowding? What did he consider normal? Everything would just be so much easier if he could remember.

Sirius came back into the room shortly and sat down on the bed next to him. "What do you feel up to doing today?"

Harry frowned. "I don't know?"

Sirius studied Harry for a moment. "Well, I'm not an expert, but the way I see it, there's two ways we can go about it. We can assume that you're going to regain your memory and try and get you acclimated to activities you normally do. Or we can approach this as if you're a blank slate and try and discover over again what you like or don't like."

Harry looked down at his hands. "The chances of the spell just... wearing off are pretty small, aren't they? That they wouldn't have worn off by now were they going to wear..."

"I don't know, really. These sorts of things vary. Curses and hexes can be timed, or it could just be that your magic hasn't had a chance to undo the damage. I'm sorry."

Harry fidgeted with the edge of the blanket in his lap and sighed. "Some of both maybe? Do the normal things and, well, I'm the same person I was then, right? Basically. So, I'd like the same things I always did?"

Sirius nodded. "You're probably mostly the same person, but I bet differences pop up. So, best start at the beginning. Your name is Harry Potter. I'm Sirius Black."

Harry nodded. "I got that."

Sirius nodded again. "Right. Just checking. Um. Your parents were James and Lily Potter. You don't have any siblings. The Dursleys - that's your aunt and uncle, by the way - are Lily's sister and brother-in-law." He scratched his cheek, thinking. "What else?"

"Do I have any cousins?"

"One, Dudley. I've only met him once, but he was a great, fat whale of a boy. Couple months older than you are."

Harry looked down. "And we're -- he and I are -- related?"

Sirius laughed. "Dudley takes after his father. Trust me on this one. You've got nothing to worry about on that account - both James and Lily could pack away the food."

"Oh."

"Your birthday's July 31st. You're a wizard." Sirius snapped his fingers and pulled out his wand, handing it to Harry. "It's not *your* wand, but it'll do. Remember any spells?"

Harry sighed and handed Sirius back that wand. "Yes, I remember spells."

"Well, that's something, at least. So you remember how to do magic. Hmm." Sirius put his wand away.

"I know everything I knew before," he said then paused, frowning. "Well, I assume. I'm not lacking information. Just... context. I know how to do charms but I couldn't tell you who taught me them."

"That's really odd," Sirius commented. "And it'd be Professor Flitwick, mostly, though some come up in Defense."

"Well, it's probably good. Otherwise I might not remember how to walk or talk or anything. How bad would *that* be." Harry shuddered.

Sirius frowned. "That would be bad." He looked at Harry. "Whatever happens, I'm glad you've got this much."

Harry smiled weakly and reached out to take Sirius's hand, but pulling back before he ever made contact. "Me too."

Sirius reached out and completed the gesture anyway. "Any questions? I mean, there's probably just basic facts that it's just not occurring to me to tell you."

"I don't know what to ask," Harry said evenly.

He laughed. "Well, that does put us in a bit of a problem, doesn't it?" Sirius let go of Harry's hand with a squeeze.

Harry fidgeted with the blanket underneath his hand once Sirius had let go and looked at the wall just past Sirius's head, avoiding eye contact. He sighed. "Do you have photos?" He paused. "Of people, I mean."

"Actually, yes. Wish I'd thought of that." Sirius pointed his wand at the open door and muttered a spell. A few moments later an album came flying into the room, smacking into Sirius's hand. He presented the album to Harry.

Harry took the album carefully. "Uh, you're going to have to point out who's who," he said, then winced. "Obviously."

"No problem," Sirius smiled. "The first few pages should be of your mum and dad, after that is mostly things from last summer. Lots of your classmates came out for your birthday party, so there are photos of them. And Ron and Hermione stayed with us for a week, so quite a bit of your adventuring. I think you put a couple of me and Remus in there and a few of just me."

Harry frowned at the album and gingerly flipped it open. On the first page was a picture of a dark-haired man that looked a lot like himself and a redheaded woman holding a small, blue bundle. He chewed on his lip and took a guess, "My parents?"

Sirius nodded. "When they first brought you home from the hospital," he smiled.

Harry went through the first pictures and stopped on a picture with the man, woman, and a few others, one of which could have been Sirius he thought. It looked like a party of some sort. "What's this?"

"That's their wedding. James and Lily's, I mean."

"Oh," Harry said quietly. "This is you?" He pointed to the grinning dark-haired man next to his father. "Who are these?" he pointed to a light-haired man and a tired looking man with brown hair standing on the other side of Sirius.

"Yes, I was James's best man," Sirius explained. He pointed at the man with brown hair. "That's Remus Lupin, he was one of our best friends in school. You saw him when we left the castle - he's the one I slipped a note to. As for *him,*" Sirius pointed to the other man, "that's Peter Pettigrew and you're better off forgetting he ever existed."

Harry frowned and started to ask why but thought better of it as the word was about to leave his mouth. "Oh."

Sirius shook his head. "Sorry, Harry. I should probably tell you." He sighed. "Pettigrew told Voldemort where to find your parents."

"Oh," Harry repeated. "I don't think I wanted to know."

"It was a good day," Sirius commented, pointing at the picture. "They loved each other a lot."

Harry smiled and flipped through another few pages until he came upon a picture of what looked like a younger him with what could have been a younger Ron and a girl with bushy hair making emphatic gestures. "Me? Ron? Who's she?" He smiled at the picture even as he said it.

Sirius laughed. "That's Hermione. You three became friends your first year at Hogwarts. After taking down a mountain troll."

"We took down a mountain troll as first years?" He frowned. "Uh, aren't mountain trolls really dangerous?"

"Yes and yes. Minerva told me it was pretty much 'sheer, dumb luck.' But you and Ron managed to save Hermione, and you had been friends ever since."

Harry turned the page. There was another picture of the girl -- Hermione. His frown deepened. "I... feel sad." He shook his head. "God, that sounds stupid but I do. I look at this photo and I feel happy and good and then I feel sad."

"No, it doesn't sound stupid. You may not remember her - but you remember the way she made you feel, I think. I can relate." He smiled briefly.

"You said she was dead," Harry said flatly.

"She is, Harry."

He flipped through the pages, most of which had the girl on them, and sighed, all but slamming the book shut. "I'm beginning to think it's better I don't remember," he commented quietly.

"Maybe," Sirius allowed. "Though that's an awfully lot you're dismissing out of hand." Sirius took the album back and set it on the nightstand.

"Like what?" Harry asked. "All the good memories are -- she's dead. I mean, even the good memories are bad like that, or they would be, if I could remember them." He bit at his lip, accidentally drawing blood. "It seems like the only purely good thing I'd remember is you."

Sirius looked at Harry and frowned. He reached out to gently touch Harry's lip and pulled his hand back, seeing the blood. Sirius pointed his wand at Harry and muttered a healing spell. "There's me, there's Remus, there's Quidditch, there's Ron and the rest of the Weasleys, who consider you one of their own." He put his wand away. "I'm not going to push. I just want you to know that it wasn't all bad. It couldn't have been, you can conjure one of the strongest Patronus I've ever seen."

"All that takes is one really good memory," Harry said flatly. "I remember how the Patronus spell works, Sirius, though I probably couldn't do one now."

"Maybe you're right, Harry. I can't claim to know what's best for you. It just... It may come back no matter what you want. Or the memory may stay gone." Sirius folded his hands in his lap and looked at them.

Harry went back to chewing on his lip, stopping only to ask, "Do you know what my happy memory was?"

"No. I never asked."

Harry sighed. "Oh."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Sirius said, "You saved my life with that Patronus once."

Harry blinked. "I did?"

"When you were thirteen. It was the first night we met."

"I met you when I was thirteen?"

Sirius nodded. "Toward the end of your third year."

Harry blinked and looked over at Sirius, his brow furrowing. "I thought you said I moved in with you last summer?" He continued to chew his lip, wondering what had changed between then and now that he was living with Sirius now, but not before he was sixteen.

"You did. There were complications, or I would have taken you in then." Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "The man - Pettigrew - he framed me for the murder of your parents. I spent twelve years in prison for it, until I escaped that year. Pettigrew got away and I was still a fugitive."

Harry licked his lips and tasted blood again. "Oh." He reached up a hand to wipe the blood away.

Sirius caught Harry's hand. "Should I conjure you a chewtoy?" he teased, muttering the healing spell again.

Harry looked down. "Sorry."

"It's all right Harry, I just don't want to see you hurting yourself."

"It doesn't -- didn't -- hurt," Harry replied, looking back up. He used his free hand to remove Sirius's grip from his bloody hand and reached up to lick the blood off his fingers before cleaning them on the covers. He didn't let go of Sirius with his other hand, though.

"Which is probably why you keep doing it," Sirius said, sounding amused.

Harry smiled back. There was a few moments of silence before he asked, "So, what would we normally do?"

"We did a lot of traveling last summer. And some reading. Invited people out occasionally. The game room saw quite a bit of use as well. And spent a lot of time in here." Sirius grinned. "I swear you were trying to make up for sixteen years worth of sleep in one holiday."

"Oh, so being tired is a normal state for me? Good to know," Harry joked.

"Sleepy, at least, is."

Harry smiled. "What's in the game room?"

"The TV, VCR, videos, game consoles, stereo system. Basically all the electronics you could ever want."

Harry blinked. "Uh, we're in the middle of nowhere, aren't we?"

"Yes, what of it?"

"No power lines?"

Sirius laughed and pulled out his wand. "Handy tool, that magic."

"Oh." He frowned, considering that. "Right. I remember. Tap the device with your wand and say 'on' or 'off' as needed."

Sirius smiled widely at him. "Exactly." He stopped, thinking. "The more I hear, the more I think the memories are there in your head - it's just a matter of accessing them. Which is hopeful."

Harry frowned and said quietly, "I don't think so, Sirius. I mean, amnesia doesn't erase what you know, right? Just what you remember. I know everything I use to but I don't remember it. I assume you taught me how the 'on' and 'off' worked because of where the things are, but I don't remember you ever doing so." He went back to chewing on his lip between speaking. "I... did I read Hogwarts: A History a lot? Because I remember that electronics won't work on Hogwarts grounds and I know that from that book."

"I don't think you ever read it, Harry." Sirius glanced over at the album. "But Hermione did."

Harry swallowed hard. "Oh."

"For what it's worth, Harry, I'm sorry. I suppose this could be good for you - a fresh start," Sirius said quietly.

Harry nodded mutely and pulled his legs up against his chest, accidentally pushing the covers off to bunch at his feet. His hand gripped Sirius's tightly, though he barely noticed.

Sirius wiggled his hand out of Harry's grip and wrapped it around Harry's shoulders instead, hugging him. "It'll be okay. I promise."

Harry nodded and scooted over so Sirius could stop perching on the edge of the bed.

Sirius smiled at him and moved over, kicking off his shoes before he stretched his legs out on the bed. "So, ready to run away and join a circus yet?"

Harry grinned and leaned his head against Sirius's shoulder. "No. Rather just stay here, if you don't mind."

"I haven't got a problem with it. This is your home; you're welcome to laze about it until the end of your life. You've earned it."

Harry blinked. "What was I planning on being?" he asked suddenly.

Sirius smiled a little sheepishly. "I don't think you'd had a chance to get that far. It was a matter of simply wanting to see your eighteenth birthday."

"Oh." Harry went back to chewing on his lip.

"But survival is no longer a worry and you've got about a million choices. If you decide to do anything, that is. I doubt we'll be hurting for money if you don't have a job." Sirius laughed. "Though I bet you'll be happier with one."

Harry sighed. "If I don't -- there's a chance -- how can I go back out there when I can't even remember what out there was like?"

Sirius tightened his grip on Harry. "We can figure it out. I mean, you haven't forgotten how to do things, even if you don't remember how you learned them. It's all there, what you need, I mean."

"Somehow I don't think reporters are going to see it that way," Harry said quietly.

"No, probably not. Are you going to let them dictate what you do and who you are?"

"I don't know who I am," Harry replied sharply.

"No, but the reporters don't know either."

"They have a better idea then I do at this point," Harry said snippily before sighing. "I know. Still, I -- I don't know to face that. To face them not knowing me and me not knowing me even more."

"Well, many things you're not going to figure out unless you go out," Sirius said sensibly. "But you don't have to take that step until you're ready. The wards on this place are strong enough to keep both Voldemort and Dumbledore out - we've proven that - so I don't think you have to worry about reporters camping out on the beach."

Harry nodded. "Good." After a moment he asked, "What was I like before?"

"Hmm. You were quiet. You liked reading, but you didn't learn that way. Didn't trust very easily, but you had a lot of faith in the people you did trust. You're clever and practical too."

Harry chewed on his lip, drawing blood a third time, and ignored it this time. "What sort of reading did I like?"

"You liked mysteries. We'd read Sherlock Holmes stories some nights, before going to bed." Sirius thought. "Most of the books you bought were fiction."

"We'd read?" Harry asked, turning his head so that his chin rested on Sirius's shoulder.

Sirius nodded, looking at Harry. "We'd take turns, each night, reading out loud." He grinned. "Though I think I ended up taking more turns than you did."

Harry smiled back. "Aren't we a little old for that?" he asked.

"So what if we are? It's enjoyable."

Harry nodded and looked up into Sirius's eyes. "I think I know why everyone was acting like you were a mischievous twelve-year-old back at Hogwarts."

"Twelve? I'm disappointed. I usually aim for bratty ten-year old," Sirius joked. He smiled. "Don't worry, I can be mature when I have to. But why be mature over something like reading a book?"

"Or listening to the mediwitch," Harry pointed out.

"Well, that's personal. Poppy, if she could, would keep everyone there permanently in order to prevent injuries. And she hates Quidditch!" Sirius managed to make it sound as if her opinion was a personal insult.

"Well, Quidditch is dangerous and leads to a lot of injuries," Harry said reasonably. At Sirius's aghast look he added, "Objectively speaking?"

"It's also a fun game that relieves tension both for spectators and players, it promotes strategic thinking and quick reflexes and it's tradition!" Sirius stopped. "Sorry, bit of a touchy subject," he grinned wryly.

"A broom is a flying phallic symbol. That those, along with balls and round holes, are so integral to the single most popular game in the wizardry world is blatantly representative of a society that obviously has one thing on its mind," Harry commented evenly then blinked. He pulled back, his back straightening, and said quietly, "I didn't say that."

Sirius burst out laughing, rolling over on his side and grabbing his stomach.

Harry swallowed hard. "No, no, I mean, I didn't say that! I -- someone -- someone said that *to* me. Before." He shook his head. "Someone... female?" He shook his head and slouched down again, pulling his legs tighter against his chest. "...I don't know."

"I know," Sirius said, finally managing to get his mirth under control. "Hermione said it often enough." He grinned. "It was just funny to hear you say it." He paused. "Your memories are coming back!"

Harry shook his head, his entire body trembling slightly. "No, it's gone. I -- I can't even picture the voice. I mean, hear it. It's like -- it was never there."

Sirius sat up and pulled Harry into a hug, settling him between his legs. "It's all right, Harry. Don't force it."

Harry leaned into Sirius's chest and buried his face in the crook of Sirius's neck. "I just -- it was *right* there and now I can't -- now it's *not*. I want it -- except I don't." He sighed and stopped trying to explain.

Sirius rubbed his hands soothingly up and down Harry's back. "I know. Give it time."

Harry nodded a bit and relaxed into Sirius's chest and hands. "All right."

"Going to be okay?"

"I reckon," Harry said quietly.

Sirius tightened the hug for a minute before pulling back. "Good. Feel ready to getting dressed and exploring a bit?"

Harry chewed at his lip. "If you want?"

"No, it's if *you* want, Harry. Your choice." Sirius smiled at him.

"Well, can't laze about in bed all day, right?"

"Not like we haven't done it before," Sirius grinned. "You were in a coma for a week, don't push yourself."

Harry nodded, his cheek rubbing against Sirius's shoulder. "I'd sort of like to stay? Just for awhile? I'll get up for dinner?"

"All right." Sirius kissed the top of Harry's head. "Anything you feel like eating tonight?"

Harry looked over at the tray. "There's still spaghetti left?"

"Plenty. But I don't mind making something fresh."

"No, it's all right. The spaghetti's good."

"All right. Spaghetti it is." Sirius grinned at him. "Going to take a nap?"

"Not really sleepy, just don't feel like getting up," Harry said.

"Do you want something to do?"

Harry considered. "I wouldn't mind reading. If I enjoyed that type of book before..." he trailed off.

Sirius nodded. "All right, I'll go raid the shelves for you." He ruffled Harry's hair and scooted off the bed, standing. "Want anything to drink while I'm down there?"

"Some juice would be nice?" Harry turned around and leaned back against the headboard.

Sirius gave Harry a thumbs-up. "On it's way. I'll be right back." He walked out of the room.

Harry reached over and picked up the discarded photo album, flipping to the back. In the last few pages there were a number of photos of Sirius and the name he now knew was Remus. On one of the pages there was even a set of photos, which looked like they'd been taken on the beach they'd Apparated on earlier, with Sirius and him. He looked over the photos carefully for clues of their relationship but the only time he knew for certain was that, while he didn't seem to avoid touch in the photos with the others, he was touching Sirius in every picture on this page. He frowned and shut the photo album before Sirius could return and ask him what he was looking at.

Sirius walked back into the room with a novel in his right hand, a second novel tucked under his arm. In his left hand he had a glass of juice. "Orange, all we have at the moment." He set the glass on the nightstand next to the glass of water. He put the novels down on the bed next to Harry. "These were your favourites."

Harry picked up the first book. "Sherlock Holmes," he said, flipping it open. It looked as if it'd been read more than a couple of times.

"The Hounds of Baskerville. We read that six times last summer."

Harry smiled. "Don't suppose you'd be up for reading it once more?"

Sirius grinned and plopped back down on the bed next to Harry, taking the book. "Sure." he opened to the first page. "Chapter One - Mr. Sherlock Holmes. Mr. Sherlock Holmes, who was usually very late in the mornings, save upon those not infrequent..." he began reading.

Harry leaned against Sirius's side and Sirius moved an arm around his shoulders after a moment as they settled in to read.

Ϟ 

It had taken about four chapters of reading before Harry had fallen asleep to the sound of Sirius's voice. He knew exactly why. He - Harry before the amnesia - enjoyed listening to Sirius. Sirius made an attempt at changing his voice for each character during the dialogue and was fairly good at mimicry. He'd woken up a few hours later to Sirius gently shaking his shoulder, calling him down for dinner.

Sirius had led him down to a full table and pulled out a chair. "Help yourself. I never stand on ceremony."

Harry sat down, the wood of the chair cool against his back, and shivered a bit. "Thanks, Sirius."

Sirius's hand brushed the back of his neck and he shivered again. "Cold?" the other man's voice broke through his thoughts.

Harry smiled up at him. "No. The wood's -- of the chair -- just a bit chilly."

Sirius smiled at him and cast a mild warming charm on the chair. "Better?"

Harry nodded and sat back against the chair. "Thanks." He leaned forward again and started putting spaghetti on his plate.

Sirius walked to the other side of the table and sat down. He helped himself to the salad. "Did the nap help any?"

"I wasn't sleepy," Harry said. "I don't know why I fell asleep."

"You were comfortable? Your body needed natural sleep? It's been an exhausting day?" Sirius offered, taking the spaghetti when Harry was done with it.

Harry took a bite of spaghetti and nodded.

After swallowing he said, "Very comfortable."

"Did you dream again?" Sirius asked curiously.

Harry shook his head. "Don't remember if I did."

Sirius smiled and started in on his spaghetti.

Harry attacked his plate of spaghetti energetically.

"You are hungry," Sirius observed with a bit of amusement. "It's go -" he broke off at the sound of a tapping at the nearby window. Sirius's eyebrows rose slightly and he put down his fork, moving to the window and opening it. Outside were two owls - one a snowy white and the other a non-descript brown. The white owl was carrying a red envelope in its claws and the brown had a piece of what looked like parchment attached to its leg. Sirius eyed the red envelope before sighing. "Hello Hedwig." The white owl hooted and flew over to land on the table next to Harry. The brown owl landed on the windowsill and stuck its leg out. "Right, I'm getting there," Sirius told it, taking the parchment. "Thanks." The brown owl hooted in response and flew off.

Harry frowned. "What is that?" he pointed to the red envelope.

Sirius came back to sit down at the table, tossing the red envelope next to his plate. He placed the parchment down more carefully. "That would most likely be what Poppy has to say about our miraculous escape. It's a Howler." He stared morosely at the envelope before moving to open it.

Harry blinked and remembered to cover his ears just as Sirius opened the Howler.

"MISTER BLACK, OF ALL THE IRRESPONSIBLE, DANGEROUS THINGS YOU HAVE EVER DONE THIS HAS TO BE UP THERE AT THE TOP! TAKING THAT POOR BOY FROM MY CARE BEFORE I CLEARED HIM! HOW DARE YOU! WHAT IF HE HAS A RELAPSE! YOU ARE NOT A TRAINED MEDIWIZARD AND I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE IDIOTIC ENOUGH TO THINK YOU WERE BUT THIS... THIS..."

The Howler burst into flames as the voice sputtered in indignant rage.

Sirius batted at the flames with his hands. "Well." He sighed. "Looks like I better not go to Hogwarts in the next few weeks. No telling what she'll do to me."

Harry cautiously uncovered his ears. "She sounded really upset."

"She cares about all her patients. But the ones she sees often most of all."

Harry bit his lip. "I spent a lot of time there, huh?"

"Like I said, Quidditch mostly. You were a Seeker. I think you were in the hospital at least once a year." Sirius laughed and picked up the piece of parchment. The white owl hooted. "Oh, sorry, that's Hedwig. She's your owl."

"C'mere, Hedwig," Harry said quietly, breaking off a piece of bread for her. She hoped over and took the food. He stroked the crown of her head.

Sirius unrolled the parchment and read it. He nodded briefly and then laughed when he reached the end. Hedwig hooted, nipped Harry's fingers and flew out of the room. Sirius gestured to the parchment. "From Remus. I slipped him a note telling him what we were doing and why, he's been working damage control at Hogwarts since then. Dumbledore, apparently, sends his best."

"Oh," Harry said, going back to his food.

"He says Poppy sent the less caustic Howler," Sirius grinned. "We got off lightly."

Harry nodded, still eating. Sirius went back to his own food.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this fic is a lot more floofy than anything else I've written or co-written, possibly ever. I'd forgotten that.

Harry shifted where he was leaning against Sirius and brought his hand up to cover his yawn as Sirius started chapter ten of the Hounds of Baskerville. After dinner they'd played a few games of cards, Harry winning all of them, and some video games, which Sirius had easily beaten Harry at. Now they were sitting on the couch, Sirius reading aloud. Sirius yawned after Harry did.

"What do you say we call it a night?" Sirius asked after he finished out a sentence.

Harry frowned. "I want to know what happens." He realised that he did know what happened but he was having trouble putting the memories together. He might be thinking of an entirely different Sherlock Holmes book for all he knew, without the memory to connect the information.

Sirius laughed. "Tomorrow. You're about to fall asleep. For that matter, so am I." He marked the spot in the book and set it aside.

Harry nodded reluctantly. "All right."

"Sorry, Harry, but if I keep going I'm likely to doze off mid-sentence. Which certainly isn't how Doyle should be treated."

Harry smiled. "All right," he said again. "We should go up to bed."

Sirius nodded and yawned. "Sounds like a plan to me." He stood and stretched, groaning lightly.

Harry did the same, rolling his neck as well. "It's only," he glanced at the clock, "eleven. I can't believe I'm tired again all ready."

"Regardless of the reason, let's get some rest." Sirius started toward the stairs.

Harry followed him. Sirius had shed his robes sometime before they started reading but was still in regular clothing. Harry frowned and wondered if Sirius had a separate room from him. He hadn't thought to ask earlier or, rather, hadn't been able to figure out to ask in a way that didn't sound incredibly stupid.

Sirius stopped at the door next to Harry's room and yawned. "Need anything? Water?"

Harry shook his head. "No, thanks."

Sirius smiled. "All right. Sleep well. I'll be here if you need anything."

Harry nodded slowly and entered the room. "All right." Muttering 'lumos', as he'd remembered at some point he could do certain forms of wandless magic, he turned back to Sirius and smiled. "See you then."

Sirius went into the other bedroom and left the door open a crack.

Harry padded over to the cupboard and opened it, rummaging through before he found a large shirt that looked like it'd fit perfectly for pajamas. He pulled the shirt over his head and, glancing at the door to see if Sirius was going to return, turned back the covers. From what he could tell, Sirius seemed to be giving him space. After all, Sirius knew that he couldn't remember their relationship, let alone act like they normally did, so of course he was giving him space. Harry didn't want space, though. He wanted things to get back to normal as soon as possible. After the flash this afternoon it seemed pretty clear the memories weren't lost so much as misplaced and he didn't want to have to readjust like this all over again when he did remember. He was certain, after spending the afternoon with Sirius that he was indeed attracted to the man and Sirius seemed really close to him and... That was that. He chewed on his lip and looked at the door again. The question was what to do now?

Harry sat down on the bed and fidgeted with the covers. A few minutes passed as he watched the door and his hands respectively and finally decided that Sirius definitely wasn't going to come back, which meant that he was going to have to make the first move. He stood, making the bed back up, and padded out of the room to the one next door. Quietly he pushed the partially opened all the way open, making certain it didn't bang against the wall, and then closed it behind him, starting towards the bed.

"Harry?" Sirius asked. "What's wrong?"

Harry shook his head. "Nothing's wrong," he said quietly, moving next to the bed.

"All right," Sirius sat up on his elbows. The sheets shifted off him and Harry could see he wasn't wearing anything. "Do you need something then?"

Harry shook his head again. "No. I just... thought..." He gestured towards the bed.

"Oh, you want to sleep in here?" Sirius considered, before sliding to the side of the bed. "If it will make you feel better, of course."

Harry bit his lip and eyed the bed, his stomach flipping. After a long moment he shed his shirt, dropping it to the floor at his feet, and climbed into the bed. "Good night then," he said quietly, leaning over to kiss Sirius on the cheek. He didn't feel quite comfortable enough to kiss him on the mouth yet, but he knew he would. After all, the feelings were still there, even if the memories weren't.

"Sleep well." Sirius briefly squeezed Harry's hand before rolling over onto his stomach.

Harry scooted further in on the bed and turned on his back, trying to get comfortable. After a few minutes he sighed and turned on his side and then his stomach, pulling the sheet and covers up over himself. Finally comfortable he managed to drift off into sleep some time later.

* * *

His own dreams and the sound of whimpering jolted Harry out of sleep awhile later. It took him some time to realise the sounds were coming from him and he groaned then, trying to turn onto his back. Like the morning before, he couldn't move thanks to Sirius's arm wrapped around his waist. Sirius was curled up on his side, facing Harry. His grip pulled Harry, still half on his stomach, up against Sirius's body and Harry, more awake now, became acutely aware of the fact that Sirius was very naked, especially as the covers had been kicked off some time while they were asleep. Harry shifted cautiously, trying not to wake up Sirius even as he attempted to remove the arm around his waist.

"Mmm," Sirius groaned slightly. Harry heard a yawn. "Morning."

"Morning." Harry pushed against the arm again and this time it pulled away enough that he could turn onto his back and stretch out. His spine cracked and he groaned.

"The bed's a bit soft," Sirius commented around a yawn. "Haven't been bothered to fix it." He turned his head and looked at the alarm clock sitting next to the bed. "It's too early."

"Go back to sleep," Harry said quietly. He reached down and pulled the covers up to his stomach.

Sirius buried his face in the pillow. "Arf yo um?" he asked, muffled.

Harry looked over at him and then away again as he caught a glimpse of Sirius's naked body in the early morning light. He flushed and tried to will his consequent arousal away. "What?"

Sirius levered himself up on his arms enough so that his head wasn't face-first in the pillow any long. "Are you up?" He flopped back down.

Harry groaned and stretched again. "Don't know. Go back to sleep if you're still tired."

"Pathr e um wip yo." Sirius groaned and turned his head out of the pillow, eyes still closed. "Rather be up with you."

Harry turned back on his stomach. "I'm not up," he said, then paused. "Actually, I need to go to the bathroom, but I'll be back after that. Which door is it?"

"Cross the hall, two doors down," Sirius mumbled, gesturing in the general direction.

Harry scooted out of bed and straightened, heading towards the door quietly. He disappeared through and found the bathroom. After doing his business and washing his hands, he brushed his teeth, hoping that the green toothbrush, not the red one, was his. Feeling better with a clean mouth, Harry returned to the bedroom and crawled back in bed with Sirius.

Sirius's arm flopped up and down in greeting, but otherwise he didn't move. After a few moments Harry saw him pry his eyes open. "Hungry?"

Harry shook his head. "No." He laid down on his stomach and buried his head in the pillow. "'Anks."

Sirius just grunted and rolled onto his side. Harry dozed off again.

* * *

Harry was jolted awake to the sensation of rocking. Sirius had spooned up next to him and was running one of his hands up and down Harry's back, cupping his arse briefly with every pass. The motion caused Harry to freeze and he slowly turned his head to look. Sirius was still asleep. He pulled Harry closer, turning him slightly so that Harry was facing him. Sirius's hands on his back trailed down to his arse again, squeezing softly, and stayed there, pulling Harry closer as their bodies continued to rock slowly. Harry squirmed, his own body reacting to the touch, and tried to pull away without waking Sirius and therefore making him aware of their embarrassing position. Harry remembered how Sirius had woken the other times he'd tried to move away and he stilled.

Sirius murmured something incomprehensible and continued to rock Harry back and forth into the thrusts of his hips. Harry could make out Sirius's eyes flickering rapidly behind his eyelids. Harry bit down on his lip to muffle his own moan and let Sirius's motion take him. His hand moved down, sliding under the elastic band of his boxers, and he gripped his cock firmly, sliding his hand up and down to the rhythm of Sirius's rocking. Sirius muttered something about 'hands' and stilled. He sighed quietly and pulled Harry flush against his body, trapping Harry's hand and cock in-between them. He sighed again, hand still on Harry's arse. He squeezed it and seemed to fall back into a deeper sleep.

Harry froze and then groaned quietly. "Fuck," he muttered, wincing. After a few minutes he managed to squirm his hand out of his pants and between their chests without waking Sirius which didn't change the fact that he was hard, wanting to wank, and completely stuck. He groaned again and 'banged' his head against the pillow, glaring at Sirius.

Sirius murmured quietly and yawned. He rolled onto his back, seeming to take no note of the situation and reached up to scrub his face with his hands. "Morning."

Harry glared and turned on his stomach, hiding his erection. "Sod off," he muttered.

Sirius yawned again. "Still not a morning person, eh?"

Harry groaned and buried his face in the pillow. He had the feeling he was approximately the colour of a tomato.

He could hear the sounds of Sirius stretching out beside him. "Now *that* is a more respectable hour of the day. I'll catch a shower and then get some breakfast started for the both of us." Harry felt the bed shift and lighten as Sirius stood up. "I needed that," he yawned and padded toward the door. Harry snuck a look. Sirius was scratching his stomach and it seemed as if he hadn't even noticed. Harry wondered if he should point out to Sirius that he was naked and decided against it. As soon as Sirius left the room Harry quickly took care of his erection and then used Sirius's wand to clean up the mess. He continued to lie in bed, not really feeling a pressing desire to get up, especially considering the shower was already occupied.

Sirius returned shortly, his wet hair slicked back and a towel wrapped around his waist. He walked to the cupboard of the bedroom and pulled out pants, jeans and a jumper. With his back to Harry, he dropped the towel and slipped on the pants and jeans. He twisted to look at Harry. "Got any breakfast preferences?" Sirius pulled the jumper over his head.

Harry bit his lip to avoid saying something really cheesy like 'you' and shook his head.

"All right, I'll whip something up. How hungry are you?" Sirius turned and leaned against the wall, watching Harry.

"I could eat," Harry said vaguely. "Doesn't matter to me."

Sirius nodded and pushed off the wall. "The shower's all yours. Use what you need, the towels are in the linen closet to the right of the bathroom. If you're not downstairs by the time I'm finished, breakfast in bed it'll be." He grinned and left Harry to his own devices.

Harry got out of bed, stretching, and headed towards the shower. He didn't feel grimy, for which he could assume he had cleaning charms to think, but he was looking forward to a nice bath, or maybe just a long, hot shower. Padding into the bathroom he set out what he'd need for his shower and turned the water on as hot as he could stand before getting in. Quickly he cleaned himself off and washed it hair before just standing under the hot water spray. The water was getting a bit chilly no matter how he turned the faucet by the time he got out and went back the bedroom. He started rummaging through the cupboard for clothes that fit him and found some after a couple of minutes. Of course, the moment he dropped the towel Sirius walked into the room with food and he blushed bright red. This was just not his day for sex or nudity. Quickly he pulled on his pants and trousers.

Sirius set the tray on the nightstand. "Come and get it." He began dishing out food onto one of the plates and held it out to Harry.

Harry took the plate of eggs and mash, reaching out to the nightstand to grab his glasses and put them on. After his glasses were on he climbed onto the bed, settling down so that he was sitting cross-legged against the headboard, and grabbed one of the forks Sirius had on the tray. "Thanks," he said quietly, still bright red.

Sirius waved it off. "No problem. It's not exactly a hardship." He fixed his own plate and walked around the bed to sit down next to Harry. "Got any ideas on what you'd like to do today?"

"Finish the Hounds of Baskerville," Harry replied after swallowing a bit of egg.

Sirius laughed. "Anything else?"

"Not off the top of my head, no." He took another bite, chewed, and swallowed. "Wait. I could get a wand? I... feel a little bare without it."

"Brilliant idea," Sirius agreed. "We'll go to Diagon Alley." He took a few bites of egg before continuing. "Then we'll come back and finish the book."

Harry finished his eggs. "Can we finish the book first?"

"Hmm, we could, I suppose. Though wouldn't you rather go and then be able to relax and take our time afterwards?"

Harry leaned back against the headboard. "All right," he agreed after a pause.

Sirius nodded and dug into his food. Harry started in on his potatoes.

After a while Sirius set his plate aside. "Do you want to go now or wait a bit?"

"Wait a bit?" Harry said quietly.

Sirius nodded. "All right." He stood up and walked back around the bed to the tray. "I'll take this down to the kitchen. Come down when you're finished." He smiled and left the bedroom.

Harry watched the door and poked at the rest of his potatoes. He didn't want to leave the house. He really didn't. Going to Diagon Alley would mean people and places he didn't recognise but should. It just... wasn't worth it. Not right now. Slowly got out of bed and started towards the door, making his way to the top of the stairs. He could hear Sirius humming to himself in the kitchen and he frowned. He was just... too confused and uncertain and he couldn't do it right now. He went down the stairs and into the kitchen, quietly setting the mostly empty plate on the cabinet next to the sink.

Sirius took the plate, clearing it of food and beginning to wash it. When he was finished he dried his hands and turned to face Harry and smiled. "So, what now? Do you want to go?"

Harry shook his head quickly, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked quietly.

Harry went over to the kitchen table and sat down, staring at the tabletop. "I don't want to go out today. The wand can wait. It's not like I really need one at the moment."

Sirius moved to stand next to Harry and ruffle his hair. "All right." His hand rested on the back of Harry's neck. "It's probably a bit overwhelming. Do you want to go back to the book then?"

Harry nodded happily and stood. "I want to know what happens," he agreed.

"Want to take a turn as narrator?" Sirius asked as he headed toward the living room where they'd left the book.

Harry followed him and shook his head. "Not really, no," he said sheepishly.

Sirius grinned and plopped down on the couch. "Rather expected that." He picked up the book and opened to the bookmark.

Harry sat down on the couch next to Sirius and leaned against his side.

Sirius slung his arm around Harry's neck, letting his arm drape over Harry's chest. "Sir Henry was more pleased than surprised to see Shelock Holmes, for he had for some days been expecting that recent events..."

Ϟ 

Sirius closed the book firmly and Harry grinned. "I see why we read it six times," he commented, shifting slightly under Sirius's arm. The top of his head touched Sirius's cheek as he leaned against Sirius's side and chest; his legs curled up underneath him on the couch.

Sirius laughed. "It is fun, isn't it?"

Harry continued to grin and turned his head to look up at Sirius. "Yes." After a pause he added, "You know I think I'm going to like living here."

"I hope so," Sirius smiled at him. "It's a good place."

Harry didn't hear Sirius's response as the room swam around him.

"Herrnione, think of something happy!" Harry yelled, raising his wand, blinking furiously to try and clear his vision, shaking his head to rid it of the faint screaming that had started inside it --

I'm going to live with my godfather. I'm leaving the Dursleys.

"I'm leaving the Dursleys," he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. Then suddenly the memory was gone, though the image of Sirius lying on the ground, pale as death, stayed with him.

Sirius stared at him. "What did you remember?"

Harry swallowed hard. "Happy memory. Sort of," he whispered, staring at the surface of the coffee table.

"Happy. Which is why you've lost all your colour." Sirius tightened his hold on Harry, half-hugging him.

"Well, I mean..." Harry shook his head as if you clear it. "I remembered the night, with the Patronus. At least, a bit of it."

Sirius's lips tightened. "I see what you mean by the qualifier. What do you remember about it?"

"Not much. It's all... fuzzy again. You looked dead," Harry said quietly. "Just... lying there. You looked dead and I was thinking that I'm going to leave the Dursleys. I was thinking something else but... I don't remember it now. I think it was about living with you." He shook his head again. "I can't remember anymore."

Sirius sucked in a breath quickly. "That was your happy memory." He licked his lips. "That's the time you saved me. If it hadn't been for you and your Patronus, I would have been Kissed."

Harry shuddered slightly and turned so that his face was half-buried in Sirius's chest. "Oo ooked deah," he repeated quietly.

"I wasn't." Sirius kissed the top of Harry's head.

Harry turned his face slightly and replied, "Good."

"Not planning on doing that for another good hundred years."

"Only a hundred?" Harry asked, relaxing a bit. "Shouldn't you have at least a hundred and twenty in you?"

"Probably. I just like to underestimate, that way I can be pleasantly surprised by the results."

Harry snickered.

"It's a time-honoured method. Works too," Sirius said with a straight face.

"Oh."

"Feeling better?"

Harry nodded slowly. "Sorry. The memory just..." he trailed off.

"Affecting. I understand, really."

Harry pulled back and glanced over at the clock hanging on the wall. "Wow. It's three p.m. We missed lunch."

"Hungry?"

"Not really. Just noticing. I'm comfortable here."

"Good to see *some* things don't change," Sirius commented, grinning.

"Hmm?"

"We did a lot last summer, but I think this is what we did the most of. Just sitting and relaxing."

Harry smiled softly. "Good to know some things don't change," he agreed.

"Did you want to start on another book? Or just sit?"

"Another book would be nice, actually," Harry said.

Sirius shifted Harry off of him and stood, stretching. "Going to grab a drink while I'm up. Do you want anything?"

Harry shook his head. "No, thanks."

Sirius smiled at Harry and trotted out of the room toward the kitchen.


	4. Strange Dreams, Diagon Alley

Sirius had come back with food and a second book and they had spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch: Sirius reading energetically and Harry leaning against him, listening with his eyes closed and a smile on his face. They'd stopped halfway through the novel and took a break for dinner. Sirius had suggested they finish in the bedroom, "More comfortable." Harry had swallowed and agreed.

"The end," Sirius finished, shutting the book with a yawn. He looked over at the clock. "It's 1am, no wonder I'm so tired." He tossed the book onto the nightstand. "How 'bout you?"

Harry, who was lying down already halfway asleep, face first in his pillow, groaned in confirmation.

Sirius laughed. "That's definitely a 'yes.'" He yawned and moved to get off Harry's bed before stopping. "Harry?"

Harry turned on his back and blinked up sleepily at Sirius. "Yes?" Reaching down, he pulled at the hem of his shirt, yanking the shirt up and over his head slowly, the collar getting caught on his glasses. As soon as the shirt was off he removed the glasses as well.

"Do you want me to stay here tonight?" Sirius asked quietly.

"We can go to the other room?" Harry offered, yawning and reaching down to undo his trousers.

"It's fine either way, Harry. I just want you to be comfortable. And I'm a light sleeper so I can wake you out of any nightmares," Sirius offered.

Harry shifted his hips up, pulling the trousers off and taking his pants halfway with them. Kicking the trousers off, he pulled the pants back up, and blushed slightly. After discarding the trousers he scooted over in the bed. "I'm comfortable."

Sirius nodded and stripped down to his pants, sliding under the covers and turning on his stomach. "Sleep well."

Harry pushed the covers down, until they were past his feet, and then pulled them back up over the top of him. He turned on his side, facing Sirius, and yawned again. "'Night."

They both drifted off into sleep.

* * *

Some hours later Harry jolted awake and drew in a sharp breath, his chest rising and falling in quick little pants, and his hips still thrusting slightly to the rhythm. He forced himself to still and took a deep breath, waiting until his body had calmed to open his eyes. For the first time since he had woken up in the hospital he remembered what he had dreamed. It was another memory, he thought, inter-spliced with weird images of wands and castles and golden snitches. The image that stood out however was Sirius's face as he came, Harry's hand wrapped around his cock, both of them spread out on this very bed. Harry figured the image was from the summer before.

Remembering the look on Sirius's face made his cock twitch, drawing Harry's attention to the fact that he was still hard from the dream. Sirius slept on, oblivious, and Harry groaned, trying to will the arousal away. Finally, after picturing increasingly gross potion ingredients in glass jars, he managed to make it go away and he sighed in relief. Sirius muttered groggily, still apparently asleep, and flung his arm over Harry's stomach.

Harry turned his head to look at Sirius and sighed. He didn't just want things to return to normal, he realised, he wanted what he had had in the dream. He wanted to touch Sirius like that and be touched in return and he didn't know how to go about getting that, short of just kissing the man. After all, if he did kiss Sirius, there was no way Sirius could think he still needed space. Shifting over so that he was on his side, facing Sirius, and Sirius's arm was wrapped around his waist, he reached out softly and stroked Sirius's hair. The man was incredibly sexy, even asleep. Harry groaned, the arousal stirring in the pit of his stomach again.

Sirius smiled in his sleep at Harry's touch, shifting closer and hooking a leg over Harry's.

Harry smiled sleepily and scooted closer to Sirius as well, turning somewhat on his stomach, sliding his leg over to move between Sirius's legs, and resting his forehead against Sirius's stomach. After awhile he fell back asleep.

* * *

Later, Harry woke up alone and in a cold bed. Sighing, he turned onto his back, and stared at the half-open door, wondering if Sirius had just gone to the bathroom. After a few minutes, in which the other man didn't return, he sat up in bed and called out, "Sirius?" loudly. There was no answer. Which, given the way Sirius had hovered over him since Harry had woken up at the infirmary, was a bit worrying. He climbed out of the bed and walked to the door. "Sirius?" he called again. Still no answer. Harry padded into the hallway and heard the sound of running water. He grinned, feeling relieved. Sirius was just in the shower. The water shut off.

"Sirius?" he called again.

The door to the bathroom opened and steam billowed out. Sirius stuck his head out around the door. "Yeah?"

Harry smiled sheepishly. "You weren't in bed when I woke up," he said. "And you didn't answer when I called. I got worried."

Sirius smiled and ducked back into the bathroom. After a minute he walked out with a towel around his waist. "Just wanted to grab a shower before starting breakfast. And sorry for crowding you in my sleep - I woke up wrapped all around you. Certainly didn't intend to maul you when I said I'd sleep there."

Harry smiled. "That didn't crowd me," he replied. "Still feeling completely comfortable. You know, you don't have to worry about giving me time or space or anything. I'm fine. Better than, really." He paused. "Even if the memory flashes are a bit disorienting."

Sirius looked curious. "Did you have another last night?"

Harry nodded. "Think so, while I was dreaming. Most of it was just dream, of course, but I think some of it was memory. It felt more... real."

"Oh?" Sirius walked into the bedroom next to Harry's, dropping the towel when he reached the cupboard. "What was it?" He looked over his shoulder to ask, pulling out clothes.

Harry bit at his lip, considering his options, and finally decided to make a move, walking up behind Sirius and wrapped his arms around Sirius's waist. He set his chin on Sirius's shoulder and said, "Us. Last summer I assume. We were here."

"Must've been a good memory if I get a hug out of it," Sirius joked, holding a pair of pants in his hands. He stepped out of Harry's embrace and pulled on his pants, rummaging around in the cupboard for trousers. He slipped the trousers on and turned around. "Was it when we managed to turn ourselves blue with purple polka dots?"

Harry stepped up to Sirius, setting his hands loosely on Sirius's hips, and shook his head. "Nope."

Sirius looked down at Harry's hands before meeting Harry's eyes. He seemed slightly puzzled. "All right, what was it?"

Harry cocked his head to the side, trying to decipher Sirius's expression, and then gave up after a moment. "Just us, in bed," he said softly, pushing himself up on his toes and pressing his lips to Sirius's. After a few moments he pulled away and ran his hands up Sirius's side. "Definitely good."

Sirius looked shocked, eyes wide and mouth open. He put his hands on Harry's shoulders and gently pushed him away. "Excuse me?"

Harry looked confused and began chewing on his lip. "Excuse what?"

"Harry, why did you kiss me?"

He blinked. "Because... I thought... that is, aren't you? Weren't you giving me space?"

"I am -" Sirius broke off and stared at Harry. "Oh no. You thought we're in a relationship?"

Harry nodded slowly and backed away. "I -- yes?"

"On no, no, no. We're not. Not like that," Sirius said, shaking his head. He moved to sit on the bed and watched Harry carefully. "I'm your godfather."

Harry's eyes widened and he backed up some more. "Oh, fuck. Fuck." He looked down and then over at the doorway. "I just -- with the touching... and the moving in... And you never said, and, oh god, you don't hate me now, do you? I'm sorry. I didn't realise. I just -- fuck."

Sirius stood and moved to stand next to Harry. He wrapped an arm around Harry's shoulders and guided him to the bed. "No, I don't hate you. This is *my* fault, Harry, don't blame yourself, all right?"

Harry looked at Sirius, flushed, and glanced at the door, carefully shrugging Sirius's arm off. "I'm going to go -- to my room -- where I can --." He stood and fled. As he left the room he heard Sirius curse softly. Quickly he went into his bedroom, shutting the door loudly behind him, and leaned against the door once it was closed. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" he muttered, gaining volume. "So stupid. Stupid." He buried his face in his hands.

"Harry?" Sirius's worried voice floated through the door and Harry heard him knock.

"Yes?" Harry replied tightly.

"Can I come in?"

Harry stepped away from the door and turned the knob, cracking it open, but he said, "I don't think that's such a good idea."

Sirius peered through the crack. "Why not?"

"Because I sort of feel like wallowing in the stupidity by myself?" Harry walked towards the bed.

Sirius pushed the door open slowly and stepped in. "You're not stupid, Harry. It's my fault. I should have explained. I should have thought."

Harry sat down on the bed. "I should have been able to figure it out. I just... misinterpreted everything."

Sirius leaned against the doorframe. "No, Harry, it's all right. It's -- I was just expecting you to know." He sighed and pushed off the doorframe and moved to sit next to Harry. "I'm sorry."

Harry sighed but didn't say anything as he fidgeted with the hem of his shirt and bit at his lip.

"Are -- were --" Sirius sighed again and took Harry's hand, stopping him from playing with his hem. "Did you kiss me because you thought we're in a relationship and felt obligated or are you attracted to me, Harry?"

Harry flushed and looked down at the ground, refusing to answer.

"Please talk to me?"

"Either way I answer that question I lose," Harry said quietly. "I rather not, thanks."

"Why do you think you lose?"

Harry turned and glared at him. "You're not going to trick me into answering the question."

Sirius looked back calmly. "No, I'm not." He gently squeezed Harry's hand. "What do you think you have to lose, Harry?"

Harry looked away again. "Let's just say that I *am* an idiot and leave it at that."

"Harry," Sirius said firmly, "no matter what you say, it's not going to change anything. Not for me."

"Both," Harry mumbled, squirming a bit, digging with toes into the carpet.

"Thank you for telling me," Sirius said quietly.

"I'm so sorry. I should have just... asked or something," Harry replied, chewing at his lip. He tasted blood and licked his lips.

Sirius reached up and gently touched Harry's lip. "You've got to stop doing that," he said wryly.

Harry jerked away, flushing again. "I need tougher skin, I reckon. Lips at least."

"I'm sorry, Harry. I really am. This - you having amnesia - is hard on both of us." Sirius paused and swallowed. "This dream you had, how much of it do you remember?"

Harry's blush deepened. "Uh, a lot. It felt so real. I mean, I could tell when the dream shifted over to... whatever it was. It felt exactly like something that had happened."

"Harry, sometimes you -" he stopped and seemed to reconsider. "I know you're embarrassed, Harry. Don't be. It was just a misunderstanding. I'm not angry."

Harry nodded. "Uh, so, breakfast?" He forced a smile on his face.

Sirius nodded. "I'll go fix something and bring it back up here, if you like."

Harry wasn't hungry but he was willing to say anything to get Sirius out the room so he could be embarrassed in peace. "Thanks."

Sirius squeezed Harry's hand and stood. "I'll be back soon."

Harry nodded again. "Sure."

Sirius walked toward the door. Before leaving the room, he turned. "Harry, if you have anymore dreams like that, whatever the content, will you let me know? Please?"

Harry stared back at Sirius, puzzled, but nodded slowly at Sirius's intent expression. "All right."

Sirius smiled. "Thanks." He turned and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

"Fuck, I'm such an idiot," Harry muttered as soon as the door was shut, flinging himself back on the bed and shutting his eyes tightly. "Stupid, stupid, stupid." He was still lying there when Sirius returned.

"Food's up," Sirius said as he opened the door. He placed the tray on Harry's nightstand. "Eat, it'll help. As a victim of many cases of terminal embarrassment, I know what I'm talking about."

Harry sat up slowly and mechanically reached for the plate of food.

Sirius smiled. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything, Harry." He reached out, but stopped, seeming to think better of the gesture and turned to leave.

Harry ate the food slowly, not tasting anything, and watched Sirius leave.

Ϟ

The next two days had been tense for Harry. But Sirius seemed determined to show him that nothing had changed and pursued Harry every time he tried to avoid Sirius. Harry couldn't decide if he simply wanted to be left alone or if he liked the attention.

Of course, what Sirius decided they'd do today might have helped to contribute to the nervousness. "Come here, Harry, and I'll cast a glamour on you. Then you don't have to worry about dealing with anyone who knows you." He grinned. "And yes, I'll be casting one on myself."

Harry nodded stiffly and walked up to Sirius. He had been very sure in the last couple of days to touch Sirius as little as possible. It didn't help, of course, but he was determined to ignore his attraction and pretend he didn't feel awkward as all fuck around his godfather. God, he was an idiot.

Sirius pointed his wand at Harry and muttered the words of the spell quietly. He cocked his head studying the results and nodded in satisfaction. "Head over to the mirror and check it out while I do myself." He pointed toward the hallway. Harry nodded and took the opportunity. Sirius had changed his hair colour to brown and eyes to blue. He'd almost managed to make Harry's hair lay flat, something water couldn't even do. In the mirror he saw Sirius, with a larger nose, brown hair and brown eyes come up behind him.

"Ready to go?"

Harry blinked up at Sirius and wondered if he had purposely made them look so much alike or if it was just easier because they had started out with similar colouring. "All right," he said after a minute. "I reckon..." He moved sideways and, once he was certain he wasn't going to bump into Sirius, turned and walked towards the door.

Sirius followed and they walked in silence past the Apparition wards. "Anything else you think you might want to get while we're out?" He clapped a hand on Harry's shoulder.

Harry jumped at the touch and managed to squeak out, "Don't know," quietly.

Sirius smiled. "All right. If you see anything, let me know." He squeezed Harry's shoulder and Apparated them both. "All right?"

Harry pulled away almost immediately and nodded. "All right." He turned so that he was facing Sirius, out of arms reach, and asked, "Straight to the wand shop, then? Ollivanders." He paused. "I don't remember how to get there."

"Follow me." Sirius gave Harry a half-smile and started down the street to the entrance to Diagon Alley.

Harry followed quietly as they went through the Leaky Cauldron and the back door of such into the alley and then beyond that, into Diagon Alley itself.

Sirius pointed toward the shop. "Right over there. I'm going to head to Gringotts and get a bit of money; most of what I carry is Muggle. Do you mind?"

Harry shook his head quickly. He basically hadn't been out of Sirius's sight, except to sleep and shower, since he'd woken up at the hospital. While that'd been good at first -- or he thought it had -- now it made him want to jump out of his skin. Or possibly jump Sirius. Either way, he felt nervous and awkward constantly. "I won't get lost," he offered, smiling weakly.

"I'll be right back, then." Sirius looked a little sad, but he smiled and headed toward the bank.

Harry reached Ollivanders quickly and was about to enter when he thought better of it. He paused, frowning, and decided that, for some reason, entering by himself would not be a good idea. Something was... off about the owner of the shop. He chewed at his lip and sighed, trying to pull the memory to the forefront of his mind unsuccessfully. Instead of entering he sat down on the ground next to the door of the shop, out of range of getting hit by the door, and waited for Sirius to return.

Sirius returned quickly and spotted Harry sitting down. "Find something?"

Harry frowned up at him and stood. "Haven't looked yet."

"Oh. Well, all right. Let's go in." Sirius held open the door for Harry, waving him in.

Harry entered with shoulders hunched slightly and his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans.

Ollivander came out from behind the counter. "Come to replace a wand, have you?" Sirius nodded.

Harry nodded as well. "Uh, yeah," he said quietly, stepping forward a bit.

Ollivander peered at both of them. "And incognito as well. Hmm. Very interesting." He turned back to his shelves and selected a few wands, laying them on the counter for Harry to try.

Harry frowned at him slightly but picked up the closest wand. He looked at Sirius and took a guess at what he was supposed to do, swishing the wand. Nothing happened and he set the wand down, picking up the next one. This time there was an explosion in the back of the shop and he sighed, trying the third. Again, nothing happened when he swished the wand. He looked at Ollivander sheepishly.

Ollivander collected another handful of wands substituting them for the wands Harry had tried. "Go on, I haven't yet met a customer I couldn't satisfy."

Harry tried all those wands as well to no success. As Ollivander was collecting another group for him to try he edged over to where Sirius was standing and whispered, "Do you know how long it took me to find one last time?"

Sirius shook his head. "Sorry, that was a good three years before I met you. Ha --" he broke off as Ollivander came back with an even bigger load of wands.

"Tricky customer," he muttered. "Very tricky."

Harry continued to try wands, becoming more and more discouraged as none of the wands worked. Finally, after it felt as if they'd gone through the entire store, one shot off gold and green sparks the second he touched it. He grinned in relief and turned to Sirius excitedly.

Sirius grinned back and slung an arm around Harry's shoulders. "Tricky customer indeed," he teased.

"Hmm. It's a pleasure to do business with you again, Mr. Potter," Ollivander said. "And you as well, Mr. Black. That will be 8 galleons for your new wand of holly and phoenix feather."

Harry looked at Sirius. "I'll pay you back."

Sirius shook his head. "No, my treat." He squeezed Harry's shoulder and dug into his robes for the money, handing it over Ollivander.

Harry clutched the wand carefully and stepped away from Sirius. "Thanks." He slid the wand into the modified pocket of his jeans, along the seam, and wrapped his arms around his waist. "Uh, ready to go then?"

"Sure. Want to pick anything else up here? Stop at Fortescue's?"

Harry glanced over at Ollivander and shook his head. "No. I'm ready to go."

"Enjoy your wand, Mr. Potter, I'm sure it will serve you more enjoyably than the last one," Ollivander said.

Sirius looked over at him. "Home it is." He moved to the door and held it open.

Harry exited the shop. "My last wand?" he asked as soon as the door shut behind Sirius.

"It was gone when I got to you," Sirius looked guilty as he said it. "It was holly and phoenix feather as well." He started down the street. "I think he wished you well."

Harry chewed at his lip. "The way he said it was like there was something about my last wand that... I didn't like?"

Sirius looked around and picked up his pace. "When we get home."

Harry frowned and continued to chew at his lip. "All right." He picked up his pace as well to keep up with Sirius. They exited Diagon Alley and Sirius led Harry to an Apparation point. He grabbed Harry's hand and hurriedly Apparated. "Sorry, Harry." Sirius began slowly moving toward their house, still keeping hold of Harry's hand. He pulled out his wand with his free hand and took the glamours off of both of them. "Voldemort's wand - the core had a phoenix feather, just like yours. From the same phoenix, actually. They were brother wands."

"Oh," Harry replied quietly, pulling his hand away and bringing it to his chest. He continued to walk towards the house, keeping his pace fast enough to be well ahead of Sirius.  
He reached the door and looked over his shoulder. Sirius had stopped and turned to look out at the beach. "I'll be in a minute," Sirius called.

Harry nodded and entered the house, heading towards the living room. He picked up one of the discarded books on the coffee table and sat down on the couch, opening the book to where it was marked. He started to read. About halfway through the chapter Sirius came back in and headed toward the kitchen. Harry could hear the sound of pots and pans banging as Sirius started cooking. Harry glanced over in the direction of the kitchen before going back to the book.

The banging stopped and Sirius came back in the room. "Dinner's cooking," he said quietly. Harry looked up and nodded before returning to the book. He heard Sirius sigh and leave, heading back toward the kitchen.

Some time later Sirius returned announcing that dinner was ready.

"Uh, I'm not all that hungry," Harry replied. "I'll eat later, all right?"

"Fine, I'll stick a warming charm on it." Sirius said, heading to the kitchen. Moments later Harry heard him go up the stairs.

"Thanks," Harry called after him. Harry sighed and went back to his book.


	5. Talking Things Out, Moving On

Harry stopped at the top of the stairs and glanced towards Sirius's bedroom, a plate of food held tightly in his hands. He frowned. Sirius hadn't come downstairs all evening, not even to grab something to eat, despite the fact that Harry had finished eating hours ago. It wasn't like Sirius to hide up in his room. After taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly he headed towards Sirius's bedroom, the door of which was cracked open slightly, light coming from behind it, signifying that Sirius wasn't asleep quite yet. Standing outside the door he contemplated knocking and leaving the plate on the floor next to the doorframe. Finally, after delaying for a few minutes, he balanced the plate on one hand and reached up with the other to knock, waiting for Sirius to answer.

"You can come in, Harry," Sirius called quietly. Harry stepped into the room. Sirius was sitting on the bed with his back against the headboard. He had a notebook resting on his legs that he was writing in. "You didn't have to bring anything up," he said when he looked up from his writing.

Harry held the plate out in front of him like a peace offering. "You didn't come down and get anything?" he said quietly. "I thought you might be hungry." He quickly walked over, set the plate on the nightstand, pulled a fork out of his pocket and set that next to the plate, and backed away. "Sorry to bother you."

"You're not a bother, Harry, in any sense of the word. Thank you for the food." Sirius set aside the notebook and picked up the plate, setting it in his lap.

Harry chewed on his lip. "Want something to drink? I can get something..." He started towards the door.

"No, this is fine, thank you."

"All right," Harry replied from the doorway. "I'll just... leave you alone then."

"Harry," Sirius said. "Did you want to talk to me?" He still hadn't touched the plate.

Harry chewed at his lip at edged back towards the bed. "No, I just wanted to make sure you ate. I know... I'm not the easiest to live with, but... you shouldn't skip meals just to give me space."

"You *aren't* difficult to live with, Harry," Sirius said firmly. "And I appreciate this. Really. I want you to be comfortable." He gave Harry a small smile.

"Right. Not difficult to live with. I just jump every time you touch me and avoid being in the same room with you. That's in no way difficult," Harry agreed flatly, edging back towards the door. "Are you sure you don't want something to drink?"

"I understand why you do that, Harry. It's not difficult. And no, you don't have to get me anything. Thank you." Sirius picked up the fork. "I'll probably be going to bed soon."

Harry nodded stiffly. "Sorry."

"Harry." Sirius set the fork down and put the plate back on the nightstand. He swung his legs over off the bed and stood up, moving to stand in front of Harry. Sirius put his hands on Harry's shoulders. "You have absolutely *nothing* to be sorry about."

"I just thought -- it made sense -- it was the only thing I was certain of -- and I was *wrong*." Harry's voice sounded stilted. He shook his head. "I should have just... asked. God, *godfather*. Never would have guessed that."

"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to mislead you and I did." Sirius sighed and let go of Harry's shoulders. "I just -- well, it's an adjustment for me too, you know? I have to constantly remind myself that you're not Harry in the way I remember him. There's things I take for granted about you." He went back to sit down on the bed. "And I shouldn't."

Harry shook his head. "You didn't mislead me. I just misconstrued everything. I assumed the touches weren't what they were." He paused and then added, "Innocent, that is."

"Harry," Sirius asked carefully, "have you had anymore dreams?"

Harry bit his lip and shook his head. "Not that I remember. Why?"

"Because sometimes your dreams come true, Harry. They're prescient," Sirius said slowly.

Harry blinked and froze.

"I can't have dreams that come true, Hermione. I just can't." He took a deep breath and looked over at Ron. "Tell her. Tell her that I'm just, I don't know, really lucky at guessing or something. You know me."

Ron shook his head. "I wish I could, Harry."

Harry sighed and sat down on the bed stiffly. "Dumbledore's bringing in a seer, a real one, not like Trelawney, to see if my 'gift' can be trained. She'll be here tomorrow."

"Harry, this could be a good thing. I've never believed in the Divinations rubbish, but if you can see the future, well, isn't this great? You'll be forewarned," Hermione replied, smiling hopefully.

Harry looked over at her. "And what if the future can't be changed, Hermione? What then?"

Harry drew a sharp breath in. "I'm trained. For this." He shook his head. "Anything else odd about me I really need to know?"

Sirius looked at him sharply. "You remember the training?"

Harry shook his head. "I remember telling Ron and Hermione about it."

"No, there really isn't anything else odd that's important. You're extremely powerful, but I think you've managed to figure that out yourself, and I think I told you about the prophecy. There's nothing else." He paused. "Do you see why I feel you've got nothing to apologize for now?"

Harry frowned, puzzled, and moved forward to sit on the bed. "No, not really."

"Because you said you'd dreamed it, Harry. A lot of times prescient dreams are symbolic - but sometimes they're not. Regardless, you dreamed it. Which means something is going to happen to the two of us."

Harry fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. "Or I had a very vivid fantasy. I mean, you're my *godfather*." He shook his head. "Trust me, symbolic this dream wasn't."

"Maybe, but I doubt it. That's the way you used to describe the dreams you had. Vivid, real. Before we had you tested, you used to think them fantasies then."

"Then you think it's symbolic? I mean, at this point, you know more about these things than I do." He looked over at Sirius curiously. So, he was an idiot and had come on to his godfather of all people, but it probably wasn't even the dumbest thing he'd ever done and Sirius didn't seem upset. Maybe it was good to get over it. He smiled tentatively.

Sirius grinned back happily. "Can't say for sure. That's the problem with prescient dreams, a lot of the time you can't figure out what they mean until after the fact. I know there's often common symbols, but I'm afraid I never had much chance to research it."

"And I have the training to do it but I can't remember the training," Harry replied flatly, the smile leaving his face.

Sirius's smile dimmed. "We'll figure it out, Harry. If worse comes to worse we can owl Dumbledore and ask the name of the seer who trained you."

Harry smiled weakly. "Right. Anyway, I'll let you eat. The food's getting cold." He stood up. "See you tomorrow?"

"Unless my bed eats me tonight, of course. Get some rest, all right?"

Harry nodded and, after a moment, walked to Sirius and hugged him lightly. "Will do." He'd just have to ignore his attraction. This was his godfather.

Sirius returned the hug. "Thank you for the food."

"I'll just... go now, then," Harry said, straightening up.

"Sleep well," Sirius smiled and picked up the plate again.

Harry chewed at his lip. "Uh," he said after a minute, "it's not really late yet. I'm not tired. So, I'm not going to sleep. If you're tired I can, you know, leave. In fact, yeah, that's what I'll do then." He started towards the door.

"Do you want to stay?" Sirius asked.

"Uh, no. It's fine. I'll leave you be. To eat and sleep and all," Harry said smiling weakly.

Sirius nodded and started eating. "I'm here if you need me," he said around a mouthful of food.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Harry scolded. He sat down by Sirius's feet. "So, what were you writing? If you don't mind telling me?"

Sirius swallowed and scooted over on the bed so he was leaning back against the headboard. "Nothing really important. Just a habit. Remus made us all keep journals in school." He smiled sheepishly. "It helps."

"Oh," Harry said, "I don't reckon you convinced me to keep one?"

Sirius shook his head. "You had a bad experience with a journal, said you'd rather not."

Harry sighed. "All right, thanks."

"Sorry. You're welcome to read mine if you want to get a few glimpses."

Harry looked over at him, surprised. "But journals are, you know, private."

Sirius set the half-finished plate aside and stood, moving to the cupboard. He pulled out a small box and walked back to the bed. Taking his wand off the nightstand, he set the box on the floor and enlarged it. Sirius knelt next to it and dug out five notebooks. "These are from the last two years." He set the journals in front of Harry.

Harry picked the journal on the top gingerly and bit his lip. "Would you, uh, read some of it to me? The bits that, I don't know, are important to you?" He looked down and flushed slightly.

Sirius smiled and nodded. "Sure. Lemme just finish my food first." He pushed the box aside and sat back down on the bed, taking the plate. "Do you mind waiting?"

"No," Harry replied. "We don't have to do it tonight, even, if you're tired?"

"It's up to you. I'm not really that tired."

Harry shook his head. "I'll wait." He crawled up on the bed so that he was sitting against the headboard next to Sirius and leaned his head back with his eyes closed and the pillow pulled into his lap.

Harry heard Sirius eating swiftly and then the clink of the plate being set aside. "Do you want to go chronologically?"

"What ever is best for you," Harry said without opening his eyes.

"Mm. All right." He heard the rustling of paper as Sirius flipped through the pages. "July 15th, 1995," he began reading. "Made it to Remus's place two days ago. Giving me this notebook was the fifth thing he did after I arrived. After, of course, the bath, the food, the new clothes, the sleep and healing my paws. Hands and feet.

I got to see Harry again, even if for a little bit. He looks so much like James... but is very much his own person. Wish I didn't have to leave. The look that he gave me when Dumbledore told me to alert the members... It hurt. It hurt that he understood why I had to go. It hurt even more that he has to understand. I don't think I've been a very good godfather.

The speed was worth it, no matter the results. I'm done with this mission and I've owled Dumbledore that I won't take another if it causes me to miss Harry's birthday. I don't think I can make it up to him. Remus says I shouldn't try. I've settled for just being there as much as I can from now on and getting to know him. He took a big leap of faith trusting me and I'm not going to betray that."

Harry made a small sound in the back of his throat, wishing that he could remember that. Remember the look Sirius was talking about, even if it was painful, and remember the birthday that came after. Everything would be better if he could just remember his godfather.

Sirius shuffled a bit forward. "August 1st, 1995. Yesterday was wonderful. Harry looked happy. I think he was happy. Remus managed to coordinate with Ron and the Weasleys. I hit up Arabella and we had a nice party there. He told me it was the best birthday he ever had. If I thought I could get away with it, I'd have a talk with the Dursleys. They obviously don't care for him properly." He paged forward more. "December 26th, 1995. Spent Christmas closeted with Remus and Harry. Had a great time. Harry looks better than he did at his birthday. Am incredibly grateful that Remus is a packrat. We were able to give Harry back a bit of his childhood and a little of James and Lily. The look on his face when we gave him James's journals!

He's a good kid. I love him. It feels strange that it's still true, but it is. Remus kept my journals from Hogwarts and after. I hunted up the one from right after he was born. Funny how things change. It's terrible that Harry has to go through this. I know I can't protect him forever and doing so will just make him less ready for what's coming. But I plan on being there with him every step that I can. That means finally tracking down Peter.

Peter." Sirius's voice became harsher as the topic changed. "There's a name I'll hate forever. I think what he was - is, really - twisted him. I don't understand what could make him give up on us like that. Breaking our bond, killing James and Lily. For Voldemort! I would have died for any of them. But Peter --

No, best not dwell. Best just catch Peter so I can take Harry in. No more running." Harry heard Sirius set the notebook aside and move onto the next one. "March 15th, 1996. Caught Peter. Am cleared. Going to Hogwarts now. Get to see Harry again. Hope he got my owl. March 16th, 1996. Harry definitely got my owl. He was waiting for me when I got there. He'd grown since Christmas. Comes up to my shoulder now. He took one look at me as I walked out of the fireplace and just smiled at me. I grinned like an idiot and hugged him. He was surprised. I guess Petunia never hugged him. But that doesn't matter anymore, he's going to live with me. I've got plans for the summer. Give him some lessons, some of the stuff I learned as a Hit Wizard. If we can be spared, I'm taking him on a holiday. France, maybe. Je parle français tres bien. Or I did. Someplace fun. God, I have to find a house for us!" Sirius paused and cleared his throat.

Harry smiled and asked quietly, "How'd you find this place?"

"It was one of my family's actually. It was originally a summer home," Sirius explained. "Though I never spent a summer here. I liked it as soon as I saw it. It's easily defensible and there's lots of room to run."

Harry nodded. "Seems like the sort of place a dog would like. Though I reckon you can't exactly get a dog if you're going to be in Hogwarts ten months out of the year."

Sirius laughed and set the notebook aside. "Funny you should say that." Harry looked over at him, puzzled and Sirius grinned back. Suddenly instead of Sirius, there was a dog sitting on the bed.

Harry jumped and squeaked. "Fuck, don't do that," he said, reaching out to touch the black fur carefully. "So, you're an Animagus then?"

Sirius whined in apology and wagged his tail, thumping it against the bed. He licked Harry's cheek. Harry made a face and pushed Sirius back a bit. "Dog slobber," he complained, wiping his face and then wiping his hand off on Sirius's fur. He scratched behind Sirius's ears after that. "Still, reckon you don't need a dog. You're your own best friend." He grinned.

Sirius shifted back, leaving Harry's hand cupping the nape of Sirius's neck. "That was a very bad joke. You would be surprised how often I've heard it," he said, grinning.

Harry laughed. "Still true."

"It is. The only other joke that's worse I've been overly exposed to is that awful pun on my name." Sirius wagged his eyebrows up and down. "Don't even think about making that one."

Harry snickered. "Though Dog Star is highly appropriate."

Sirius rolled his eyes exaggeratedly and poked Harry in the side, shifting back to lean against the headboard. Harry's hand fell to the bed and Sirius took it in his on. "Wonderful, you're going to be a punster. I'm doomed! Dooooooomed."

Harry giggled. "At least I'm not over-dramatic," he said, sticking out his tongue at Sirius.

"You slay me," Sirius said dryly, dropping Harry's hand to quickly reach up and grab his tongue. "Gotcha!" He let go.

Harry made a face. "Human slobber," he commented. He paused. "Don't even think of wiping your hands on me."

Sirius slowly moved his hand toward Harry's face, faking back and forth, grinning. "Oh really?"

"Don't," Harry repeated.

Sirius grinned and wiped his fingers on the sheets next to Harry. "There, your wish is my command."

"Really? Because that could be really useful," Harry replied jokingly.

Sirius laughed. "Well, I'm no genie, but I'll see what I can do."

Harry's smile dimmed. "Uh, you know, I really am sorry about what happened -- that morning, that is."

"I know you are, Harry. It's all right. I want you to be happy. I'm not going to be mad over a misunderstanding that was mostly my fault. I'm not mad at you for being attracted to me." He leaned over and kissed Harry's cheek lightly. "I can't promise I'll stop completely, but I will give you space and try and stop pushing."

Harry's breath caught in his throat as Sirius stayed close to him. "Pushing what?" he asked quietly. "You haven't pushed anything, as far as I can tell."

"I've pushed you, Harry." Sirius pulled back slightly. "I am a tactile person and I took liberties that you haven't granted me yet."

"I didn't -- don't -- mind," Harry said.

Sirius looked down at his hands, clasped in his lap. "But you do flinch every time I touch you. So, I'll stop."

"I -- that isn't you," Harry said and reached out to take one of Sirius's hands. "It's just that... every time I think I have a purchase on things, am finally getting a clue, I get a flash or something else happens that blows all my ideas out of the water. It's only been five days and I'm sick of it all ready. I just want to be certain about something and I thought I was certain about that and... I was wrong. So, now I'm trying to adjust -- again." He sighed and squeezed Sirius's hand.

"I'm sorry. I haven't been much help on that either, have I?"

Harry frowned at him quizzically.

"Because I do take things for granted that I shouldn't. And reinforce patterns from before when we should probably be concentrating on setting new ones."

Harry bit his lip and leaned back again, releasing Sirius's hand. "New ones like what?" He gave Sirius a half-smile. "I wouldn't recognize the old from the new, you know."

"Well, finding out the things you like. Making you try new things," Sirius explained, looking at Harry. "Reacclimating you to the world, mostly. I doubt you want to stay here with me forever."

Harry closed his eyes. "I don't know. It's nice here. Beach-front. Comfortable house. Privacy."

"You'll have to leave sometime," Sirius said, sounding as if he was trying to be sensible and not liking it. "That's what people do - they strike out on their own, find themselves. Find what they want. This can't be the only thing you want. And even if it is now, I doubt it will be later."

"Then can't I worry about that later?"

Sirius laughed and took Harry's hand. "All right. Do you want to keep on as we have, then?"

"What have we been keeping on as?" Harry asked, opening his eyes and using his other hand to brush the fringe out of his face.

"I rather thought we were keeping on as 'Harry' and 'Sirius.'" He smiled. "Perhaps I've been mistaken and I should have been going as 'Stephen' instead."

Harry rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

"I know what you mean, Harry. I was only half joking. That really is how I think of it."

"As Harry and Sirius? Well, you've got the Sirius down. Harry's sort of a work-in-progress."

"We're working on that, though, aren't we?" Sirius squeezed Harry's hand. "Maybe you'd like to be Stephen instead."

"Harry doesn't seem to be working out too well."

"I like Harry," Sirius said softly. "Both of them." His lips twitched. "Though I'm sure I could learn to like Stephen as well."

Harry sighed and leaned back, pulling his hand away. "The problem being that Harry seems to like you a little too much."

"Where's the problem in that?"

Harry looked at him, raising his eyebrows. "One word: godfather."

Sirius studied Harry for a few seconds before moving to pick up the last journal. He flipped it open and rustled through the pages. "February 17th, 1997," he read quietly. "The war is in full swing. Voldemort is marching on Hogwarts. Dumbledore is trying to divert the Death Eaters away so the children aren't in danger. He sent Harry into Hogsmeade to help set up the line of defenses there.

I'm supposed to go help guard the Ministry of Magic tomorrow in case of an attack. I stared Albus Dumbledore down and told him no. His eyebrows hit near his hairline and he asked me if my refusal had something to do with Harry. I made a promise a long time ago that I'd take care of Harry. I haven't been a very good godfather to him, though I tried, and I'll have to ask James in the afterlife to forgive me. I'm not going to desert him now, not when it's important." He stopped and moved on a few pages.

"April 3rd, 1997. Remus must have told Harry today was my birthday. He surprised me with two presents: a leash and collar with 'Padfoot' written on them as a gag gift and matching bracelets. He charmed them himself in true marauder fashion - they double as communicators. Clever. He knows me far too well. I really love that kid." Sirius licked his lips slightly and swallowed before continuing. "More than I should. James used to say that I became a dog because that's how I reacted to people. They feed me and I love them forever. In some ways he's right on a very superficial level. But it's deeper than that with Harry. Maybe it's the debt I owe him. Maybe it's just that it's Harry. I worry sometimes. Remus says it's just the close quarters and not to worry about it. Wish I had Remus's confidence. Though I reckon it won't matter. I don't expect to live through this, really. Because anything that tries to get to Harry is going to have to get through me first." He stopped and flipped toward the end of the notebook, near where he had been writing. "There's more. From two days ago. Do you want to hear it?"

Harry nodded softly, staring at Sirius.

"Harry shocked me today. I think I may have unintentionally led him on. I feel guilty about that, especially since it's obvious he's embarrassed about it. I just reacted badly when he made reference to a sexual relationship. I know that my feelings for him are inappropriate. Remus assures me that it's perfectly normal. Of course, Remus also thinks Snape has a sense of humour, so I'm not sure if I can really trust his judgement here.

I just didn't know what to say. Have I been fostering an attraction in Harry now that he's vulnerable? Have I been taking advantage of him? God, I hope not. I don't want to hurt him.

But a part of me that I'm ashamed of can't help but like the fact that he's dreaming about me. Seeing dreams." Sirius closed the notebook.

"Oh," Harry said quietly, his eyes a bit wide.

"Have I?" Sirius asked.

"Have you?"

"Taken advantage of you."

Harry bit his lip. "I don't think so. I mean, you can't force me to feel attracted to you. And I do, feel attracted."

"Ah. Were you attracted before? I mean, is it something residual that you felt?"

Harry frowned. "I don't know. I mean, I can't compare it to what I felt before because I can't *remember* what I felt before."

"Ah. So I could have." He sighed.

"You could have. I don't think you did. Though the walking around naked part didn't hurt."

Sirius snorted. "That's habit. Towards the end it got to be close quarters at Hogwarts with refugees from Hogsmeade coming in. You got used to spending time with other people - which generally includes nudity. I didn't even think about it."

"Ah," Harry said. "Not that I minded. Nice view, definitely." Suddenly he seemed to realise what he said and looked down, flushing.

Sirius laughed. "Thanks."

Harry caught his bottom lip between his teeth and looked up. "Welcome?" he offered, still red.

Sirius took one of Harry's hands in his own. "Are we all right now?"

Harry nodded, squeezing Sirius's hand. "Sorry about the last few days."

Sirius smiled. "Good. And don't apologize."

Harry yawned, reaching up to cover his mouth with his hand, and leaned back against the headboard again.

"Guess you were more tired than you thought."

Harry reached over and picked up Sirius's wand from the nightstand, casting a spell. "No, we've just been in here for an hour twenty." He put the wand back.

"That long? I reckon we did have to have it out." He smiled. "And you are welcome to read my journals, if you can put up with them."

Harry yawned again. "Thanks."

"Get some rest."

Harry nodded. "Am sleepy," he agreed.

"Obviously." Sirius picked up the six journals and put them in the box. "Lie down."

Harry bit his lip, lifted up his arse so he could slide down the bed cover and lay down, sliding under the covers until they were up to his chest. He frowned and reached down to undo his jeans, pushing them off of his hips and legs, leaving him in his shirt and y-fronts.

Sirius leaned over to kiss Harry's forehead and stood, moving over to the cupboard to change. He slipped out of his trousers and into a pair of boxers and pulled off his shirt. "Do you want me to stay here?"

Harry nodded and then realised that Sirius couldn't see him. "If you want."

Sirius moved back to the bed. "No, Harry, it's what you want." He sat down on the bed and slid under the covers anyway.

"I'm good," Harry replied, pulling his shirt off. "It's hot for May," he commented.

Sirius turned onto his stomach. "Sleep well." He slipped his hand under the covers to lightly touch Harry's side before pulling back.

"Sleep well." Harry turned on his stomach as well, settled himself in, and was asleep within minutes, smiling contentedly.

Ϟ 

Harry woke up in stages. The first thing he noticed was that Sirius had moved them both onto their sides, spooning Harry from the back, so that Sirius was half wrapped around them. Harry could feel the heat of his skin and Sirius's breath on the top of his head in a nearly unbearably hot manner. Not quite hot enough or uncomfortable enough to move and wake Sirius up, however, especially not as a glance out the window confirmed that dawn was barely breaking. Cool air wafted in from the window, helping to ease some of the stifling heat, and Harry shifted a bit, pulling Sirius's arms down lower around his waist. The next thing Harry noticed was that, for the first time in three days, being this close to Sirius didn't make him want to jump out of his skin. In fact, he felt comfortable. He carefully kicked the covers off the lower part of his body and settled into the bed, yawning.

Sirius muttered quietly and Harry heard a yawn. "Morning."

"Morning," he mumbled back, shifting a bit. "Did I wake you?"

"The sudden blast of cold air did," Sirius yawned and let go of Harry to collect the covers Harry had kicked off of Sirius as well, pulling them back up.

Harry bit his lip. "Oh, sorry. I was a bit warm."

"Hmm, s'all right." Sirius yawned and turned over onto his stomach, keeping an arm around Harry's waist.

Harry blinked sleepily and turned over to his other side, pulling his own covers down to his waist, and leaned against Sirius's side. "Sleepy," he said yawning again and closing his eyes.

"Go back to sleep, it's early."

Harry nodded and hooked one leg over Sirius's, settling in the new position. "Want me to go back to my side of the bed?" he asked after a moment.

"Mmm, it's fine, sleep well. Love you," Sirius mumbled before he drifted off back to sleep.

Harry wrapped an arm around Sirius's waist and fell back asleep.

* * *

"Hermione! Hermione!" Ron's voice was hoarse as he called out into the rubble of what had been the Three Broomsticks.

Harry sat shaking, curled into a ball under one of the tables. "She was by the bar," he said to Ron quietly. "Getting butterbeers." They had been taking a break from working to reinforce the wards around Hogsmeade, again. Harry glanced over at Ron. His throat was bright red with blood. "Ron, you're hurt."

Ron reached up and fingered the wound gingerly. "Where is she?"

Harry looked over at the bar, where the damage was the worst. "I don't know." He knew though. There was no way she'd survived that.

"Where are the professors?"

Harry could see the telltale emerald green robes of Professor McGonagall dyed red with blood from near the rubble of the bar. "Unconscious." Or worse. He couldn't see Snape or Remus.

Sirius rushed in the room, calling for Harry. "Harry? Harry?"

"I'm here," he replied quietly, then realised Sirius couldn't hear him. He raised his voice and called back. "Over here, Sirius."

Sirius rushed over and bent under the table collecting Harry in his arms.

"Shh, it's all right, Harry, you're safe," Sirius was muttering, rocking Harry. Harry jerked awake.

Harry buried his face in Sirius's chest and bit his lip to stifle the whimpers coming from him. Even then small sounds in the back of his throat broke through. "I know how she died," he said quietly. His voice shook along with his trembling limbs.

"It's all right, Harry." Sirius repeated, holding him tighter. "It's all right."

Harry took a few shaky breaths and then managed a deeper one. "No, it's not."

"Not all right that you're remembering? Or just not all right?"

"Just not all right," Harry said after a moment, moving his arms from where they were pinned between his and Sirius's chests and wrapping them around Sirius's neck. Sirius continued to rock him gently and stroke his hair. "Not all right at all."

"It will be," Sirius promised. "I'm sorry. It's probably all fresh for you now."

Harry forced himself to calm down; taking even breaths and letting his heart rate go back to normal. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"No," Sirius shook his head. "It's all right. Wake me any time."

"Thanks," Harry said awkwardly, though he didn't pull away. He bit at his lip, burying his face in the crook of Sirius's neck, and asked, "Uh, do you want me to let go?"

Sirius kissed Harry's head. "No, it's fine." He smiled. "Up to some breakfast, or do you want to wait a bit?"

Harry's stomach turned. "I don't think breakfast is a good idea."

Harry felt Sirius nod. "Fine." After a minute he asked, "You were dreaming of Hermione?"

Harry nodded shortly.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said quietly. "Doesn't help any, I know, but I am."

"Thanks," Harry replied just as quietly.

"It is over now, though. You have that, at least."

Harry didn't respond.

"And me," Sirius added.

Harry smiled weakly even though Sirius couldn't see it. "Glad to have you."

"Glad to be here."

They lapsed into silence. A few minutes later Harry said, "Thank you," very quietly and pulled away slightly.

"No need. You're not exactly the most difficult thing I've ever encountered." Sirius smiled.

Harry settled into Sirius's arms and reached down to pull the covers up slightly. "Still tired?"

"Not really, no. Are you?"

Harry shuddered as he thought about trying to go back to sleep. "No. Don't really want to get up though."

"Bed it is, then."

Harry smiled. "Was I always this lazy?"

"Some days," Sirius said. "But you earned it."

Harry snickered.

Sirius loosened his hold on Harry and shifted so he was lying on his back. "Do you just want to lounge about today, then? Or have you got something specific in mind?"

Harry turned so he was half-lying on his stomach part of the way on top of Sirius and rested his head against Sirius's shoulder. "Uh, I don't know?"

"How about some reading?"

"Reading's good," Harry said.

"Hand me my wand, will you?"

Harry reached over Sirius to the nightstand and grabbed the wand. He moved back and handed it to Sirius. "There."

Sirius grinned and summoned a book. It came flying into the room and Sirius caught it in his wand hand and set it down on the bed. He tossed his wand back toward the nightstand and opened the book, beginning to read.

Some hours later the book was finished and their stomachs were rumbling. Harry grinned as they got up to go make lunch. "Are you certain we can't just laze around reading books for the rest of our lives?"

"We could, though I imagine eventually we'd run out of interesting books."

"There's a lot of books in the world. I'm sure we could find a nice bookstore with lots of interesting ones."

Sirius stretched and padded out of the bedroom, not bothering to get dressed. "You really don't want to leave, do you?" he observed.

Harry followed him. "No. I really, really don't."

"Why not?" Sirius asked, reaching the kitchen.

Harry sat down at the kitchen table. "I like it here?"

Sirius started pulling things together for sandwiches. "All right."

"Do you want me to leave?" Harry asked, tracing the grain of the tabletop with his fingers.

"No, I don't want you to. But I wonder if you might not need to."

"Why would I need to?"

"Because that's what people do. And you especially should try and experience things." Sirius pushed a plate of cold sandwiches in front of Harry and moved to fixing his own.

"Can't I do them with you?" Harry asked quietly, fidgeting with his sandwich.

"Of course!" Sirius told him firmly, setting his own plate down. "Anything to drink?" He moved to the refrigerator. "But doing stuff with me doesn't negate the fact that you need to do them."

"Small steps? And do you have any soda?"

Sirius pulled out two sodas and sat down at the table next to Harry, pushing him his drink. "Small steps," he grinned and picked up his sandwich. "I think we can do that. As long as you're remembering to take them."

Harry bit his lip. "Ollivander recognised me."

"He's... odd. He remembers every wand he ever sells, or so he claims. What of it?" Sirius bit into his sandwich.

"Is he the only one that will?"

"No, you're famous to wizards, Harry."

"I mean, under a disguise."

"It would take a see-all or an extraordinarily powerful wizard to get through my concealment charms. Let alone yours. So, for the most part, no."

"Good." Harry took a bite of sandwich. After he swallowed he added, "Uh, maybe we could just wander around Diagon Alley a bit? I think I might be up to that."

"We don't have to go today, but eventually. Maybe we could start with a trip to the Burrow and the Weasleys?"

Harry chewed his food and swallowed. "I almost think I'd prefer Diagon Alley. At least people there wouldn't recognize me?"

Sirius nodded. "All right. Small steps."

Harry frowned and then smiled weakly. "Do you think Mrs. Weasley would be adverse to us dropping in for a visit? I don't think I'd be up to seeing Ron quite yet but he's at Hogwarts so..."

"I doubt it, but you can send a message out with Hedwig to her and arrange a time to go visit when it's quieter. She's got seven of them, and only Ron and Ginny are at Hogwarts. I'm sure she'd be happy to see us both."

"Can't we just... go? So that, you know, no one has time to... do anything. If they're busy we can always come back home."

Sirius gave Harry a sharp look as he finished his sandwich. "We could. Though, of anyone, the Weasleys are the ones *least* likely to cause a fuss over you visiting, Harry."

Harry frowned. "Are you telling me Mrs. Weasley *isn't* the mothering type?" He sighed. "It doesn't matter. I don't want to go anyway."

Sirius reached over and squeezed Harry's wrist lightly. "All right. At least owl them?"

"I don't want to go," Harry said, "I was just trying to make you happy. Forget it." He pulled his wrist away and took another bite of sandwich,

Sirius sighed and took a drink of his soda. "Don't do anything you aren't ready for on my account, Harry."

"Unless my memories all come back tomorrow, I'm not going to be ready for it, Sirius. Ever," Harry said, standing up and leaving the kitchen.

Sirius didn't follow. Harry stomped up the stairs and into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. When that didn't make him feel better he glared at the door and picked up his wand, methodically breaking and repairing a little black dog figurine on his bookshelf. Finally he picked up the figurine and flung it at the door, where it bounced off, and he plopped back down on the bed.

After about a half-hour of lying there, Harry heard Sirius's footsteps outside in the hallway. They stopped outside his door, but the man himself was quiet. He heard a sigh and then Sirius put something on the ground and walked away. Harry stood up carefully, making sure Sirius was actually gone, and opened the door to see what had been left. On the ground was one of the notebooks Harry recognized from the night before, opened to a certain page. On top of the notebook was a key. Harry picked up the key, pocketing it, and then grabbed the notebook, reading the open page.

It was today's date.

I think I pushed things too hard with Harry today. I never mean to but I always end up forcing things then regretting them later. It always seems like a good idea at the time. You'd think by now I would have realized that not everyone prefers to face things the way I do. Remus and Snape should have taught me that. I reckon that not everyone can change.

I wonder if that's why he's angry, really. Whether he's mad because I pushed before he was ready or mad because he thinks I want to be rid of him. Because I don't. I never would. I reckon I should apologize. This would be easier if I knew what I was apologizing for.

I'm going to give him the master key to the house. Maybe that will show him that it's his choice that matters here. All he has to do is ask. Or say no. Or tell me to leave. Or cook him some chips. It doesn't matter what he asks; I'd do it.

The entry ended there.

Harry went back into his room and shut the door, walking over to his desk. Rummaging through the top drawer he managed to find a biro and he sat down setting the notebook open to the current page in front of him. He chewed at his lip and considered what to say. Finally he wrote a short note.

_Thanks but it's your house. Your house key. I appreciate the gesture. I'm mad because I can't remember. I'm mad because I don't know if I want to remember. I just want it to be over with, one way or another. Sorry. - H_

He stood up, tossing the biro down, and closed the notebook. Quietly he exited his bedroom and made his way towards Sirius's. Noticing that the door was open a crack he crept towards it, and set the notebook down, open to the page he had written on, and the key on top of that. Then, he pushed the door closed, knowing Sirius would notice that at least, and went back to his room, shutting the door behind him.

After a few minutes, Harry heard Sirius come to stand outside his door. He watched, waiting for a noise, or a knock, or for Sirius to do something and noticed something metallic glinting on the floor. It was the key. Following that came a note. Sirius's footsteps went away. Harry frowned and walked over, picking up the key and the note. He flipped the note open and read it.

It's our house.

Harry pocketed the key again and headed towards Sirius's room. The door was half-open again and he pushed it the rest of the way open, standing in the doorway. "Hi," he said quietly.

Sirius was sitting on the bed. "Hi." He patted the space next to him.

Harry walked over and sat down on the bed next to him, fidgeting with the note and finally shoving it into his pocket right before he sat down.

"I am sorry, Harry," Sirius said quietly.

"I'm not mad at you. I never was."

"I'm still sorry. Because this isn't something that I can help fix."

"Not your fault," Harry said, biting at his lip.

"Then let me ask what I should have from the beginning. What do you want me to do to help?"

Harry shrugged. "Don't know."

"Do you want me to leave you alone?"

Harry shook his head quickly. "No!"

"Do you want me to stop pushing you about going out?"

"Yes," Harry said, smiling weakly, "but you probably should anyway. Otherwise I might just decide staying here forever *is* a good idea."

Sirius laughed quietly. "I can see why it's appealing. But I'll give you some time before I try. You probably need to figure things out on your own for yourself before I start dragging everyone else into it. Is there anything else that I can do? Or stop doing?"

Harry shook his head. "What I said was true. It's not going to be easier with time, Sirius."

"No, it won't be. But you'll be easier with yourself, I think."

"They're part of who I was -- am."

Sirius laced the fingers of his right hand with Harry's. "All right. But I promise to give you a week."

Harry smiled. "All right." He squeezed Sirius's hand.

Sirius smiled back. "And keep the key. I meant what I wrote - it's our house. You've got an equal right to it."

Harry frowned. "It's your house -- and you basically wrote that I could ask you to leave and you would." He bit his lip. "Though, you were exaggerating, right?"

"I would," he said seriously before grinning. "Of course, I'd probably go stay in a house owned by the Potters, of course."

Harry frowned. "That's not..." He sighed. "I --."

"You what?" Sirius prompted, raising his eyebrows.

"I don't understand why you'd do that. It's *your* house. Even if we share it."

"Because I made a promise a long time ago that I'd take care of you. I haven't done the greatest job of it and I plan on changing that. If it required me leaving, I'd hate it, but I'd do it."

"I -- I'm old enough to take care of myself?"

"You're seventeen now," Sirius answered.

"An adult," Harry said.

"Yes."

"Old enough to take care of myself."

"Yes."

"Which I should," Harry said quietly, pulling his hand away from Sirius and standing up.

Sirius looked up at him and raised his eyebrows.

"You said I have money? And there's Potter properties, or whatnot. I should go... be there. I think," Harry said, chewing at his lip.

Sirius stood. "Yes, you do," he said quietly. "Follow me." He lead the way out of the bedroom and down the hall to a study Harry hadn't bothered to explore. Next to the desk was a filing cabinet. Sirius pulled out the top drawer. "All the deeds and financial papers for the Potters."

"And there's Hogwarts. I'm supposed to be at Hogwarts right now."

"You could," he replied quietly. "I'll leave you alone to decide." Sirius left the study.

Harry frowned as Sirius left, wishing the other man had told him it was all right to stay. That he didn't have to do this. He looked at the top file and winced. Still, there wasn't really going back now he reckoned, and he found a piece of parchment and a quill. He sat down at the desk, uncapped the inkwell, dipped the quill in it, and began to write out a note.

_Professor Dumbledore,_

_It's been -- I've decided to return to Hogwarts for the remainder of the term, if you'll have me. I don't really remember anything, except for a few flashes here and there, but... it's not working out with Sirius. I don't feel right depending on him like this. So, would it be all right if I return? I can be there the day you reply._

_Thanks,  
Harry Potter_

Harry recapped the inkwell, cleaned off the quill, and rolled the piece of parchment up, finding a small length of ribbon to tie it with. Picking up the note, he stood and exited the office, heading towards where Sirius had told him Hedwig stayed. He was surprised to see Sirius in the room.

"Were you sending a note? Mine can wait, I reckon," he said.

"No, I was just visiting Hedwig." The owl hooted quietly as Sirius stepped away. "Do you really want to go, Harry?"

Harry bit his lip and didn't reply, stepping up to Hedwig, brushing past Sirius. "Hey, girl," he said quietly, stroking Hedwig's feathers. She hooted.

"You don't have to go, Harry. I'm sorry if I implied that you did. But if you want to, I won't stop you."

Harry wanted to push himself into Sirius's arms and just stay there, where it was safe, but he frowned instead and continued petting Hedwig. "No, you were right. I should go. Can't stay here and hide forever."

Sirius touched the back of his neck gently. "All right."

Harry started tying the letter to Hedwig's leg. "I really, really don't want to," he said quietly, half-hoping that he was speaking too quietly for Sirius to hear.

"Why then?" Obviously Sirius had heard what he said.

Harry chewed at his lip and shrugged, trying to tie the note. "I don't have enough ribbon."

Sirius sighed and pulled out his wand, expanding the length of the ribbon. He put his wand away and helped Harry tie the ribbon, fingers brushing Harry's. "I would like for you to stay," he said simply.

Harry bit his lip, still holding the note so that Hedwig couldn't fly off, and asked, "Really?"

"Of course."

"But you said --"

"I never said you had to do this alone. And I never said that I wanted you to leave completely."

Harry shrugged.

"I just want you to be happy. That's all," Sirius said firmly. "If it makes you happy to leave..." he sighed. "What do you want?"

"I don't want to leave," Harry replied quietly.

"Then don't go. You don't have to."

Harry started to untie the letter. "But maybe I should?"

Sirius looked torn. "I don't know what's right for you, Harry. All I know is that I'd like it if you stayed."

Harry finished undoing the ribbon and tore up the note. "All right."

Sirius beamed at him. "I'm glad."

Harry pushed his fringe away from his face and looked over at Sirius. "Why do you want me to stay?" he asked, reaching out and stroking Hedwig's feathers again.

"Because I care about you."

Harry turned back towards the owl. "That doesn't explain why you want me to stay."

"What are you really asking me, Harry?"

"What I asked. That's all."

"It does explain it then." Sirius stepped up behind Harry and placed his hands on Harry's shoulders. "I do care about you. I want to help you. I don't want you to do something you don't want to because of me."

"I don't really know what I want."

"What do you know?"

"That's the rub, isn't it? I don't really know much of anything at this point." Harry turned around and looked up at Sirius.

Sirius began massaging Harry's shoulders. "I wish I knew what to tell you. But I don't. I don't have the answers. I don't even have the questions. But - and this horribly trite, I know - I'm willing to help you look."

"And if I hate the answers?" Harry gave a half-smile. "Or the questions."

"Then we find new ones?"

Harry bit at his lip, breaking skin. This time he noticed. "Fuck. You're right, I need a chew toy."

Sirius snorted. "Come on, let's sit down and talk about this." He looked past Harry and nodded to the owl. "Later Hedwig." Hedwig hooted. "Plus we can get that healed up."

Harry reached up and touched his lip gingerly before following Sirius out of the room. "I don't know why you bother. I'm just going to do it again."

"No sense in it hurting in-between, is there?" Sirius led them back to his bedroom and grabbed his wand, quickly healing Harry's lip. He set his wand back on the nightstand. "Now, talking. Is there someplace you feel comfortable?"

"Here's fine," Harry said. "Uh, what are we talking about?"

"The future, I think."

"Oh." Harry went back to chewing at his lip and sat down on the bed.

"What do you want, Harry? From me, I mean."

"What do you mean what do I want?" Harry scooted back so that he was leaning on the headboard; one of his legs stretched out on the bed the other over the side.

"I mean what I asked," Sirius responded, smiling a bit as he repeated Harry's own words. "What do you want to get from being here? What do you want from me?"

"I feel safe here," Harry said and then frowned. "I feel safe with you," he corrected.

"Why?"

Harry raised his eyebrows and looked at Sirius. "If I could remember why, we wouldn't be having this conversation, now would we?"

"You feel safe with me. Have I done anything to prove it? To justify that?"

"Well, unless my brain just woke up and decided 'hey, let's trust the bloke with the nice arse' I assume so," Harry replied, rolling his eyes.

"Harry," Sirius said, sitting down on the end of the bed, "I meant since you came here."

Harry looked at him and said, "I feel safe with you because it's just how I feel. It's how I feel, at all. All right?"

"Fine." Sirius sighed. "What are you staying for?"

"Because I feel safe here." Harry sighed, leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "It's something to hold on to in between the memory flashes that make my stomach want to come up through my mouth."

Sirius nodded. "All right then. Safe you'll be." He moved back on the bed until he was sitting next to Harry.

Harry made a face. "Great, now I have an image of my stomach crawling up through my throat."

"Probably be painful. Though I suspect your esophagus might revolt."

Harry laughed and opened his eyes.

"Viva la revolution," Sirius grinned. He leaned over and put his ear next to Harry's throat. "Oh my, I think I hear the war machines gearing up. You're in for a hell of a time."

Harry tilted his neck away so that the top of Sirius's head wouldn't bump his chin and cheek as Sirius leaned in to fake listen and rolled his eyes, though he was grinning. "Really?"

"Hmhmm." Sirius moved closer so that his ear was almost touching Harry's neck. "I think I hear the speeches now." He pretended to pause. "Yes, that's definitely an inspirational speech. 'Time to stop the invaders. This is our land! Our throat! Let's kick the stomach in its arse all the way back to where it belongs!'"

Harry's breath caught in his throat at the feel of Sirius's breath on his neck and upper chest. "I see."

"Definite impending chaos. I think we should keep you on a liquid diet until the war's over."

"If you think that's best," Harry managed to get out.

"I do," he pulled back slightly with an oddly serious look on his face.

Harry smiled slightly, brows furrowed, and asked, "What? Antibodies decide to get in on the action?"

"That *would* explain the third set of cries," Sirius replied evenly. "Harry, you do realize that if you need something, all you have to do is ask, right? Like I told you, I'm no genie, but I'll do my best."

Harry nodded, noticing that Sirius was still mere inches away. "What do you expect me to ask?"

"Anything you want."

Harry frowned slightly. "You have something specific in mind? Because... spelling it out right about now would be nice."

"Whatever it was that made you so ready to leave, perhaps?"

"I thought -- you were -- my own feet. I thought it seemed like you were thinking I needed to find my own feet in this. I think." He frowned and pursed his lips.

"Harry," Sirius pulled back and placed a hand on top of Harry's head. "I can try and help you remember. I can try and help you forget. I can try and help you figure out something that involves both. But what I mean is that in the end, I think the doing's going to be yours."

"And if my choice is to leave it up to you? Or to stay here forever?"

Sirius ruffled his hair. "Then it's still your doing. And your choice."

Harry smiled. "All right." He paused and frowned. "Sirius -- I -- would --." He sighed. "Never mind."

Sirius's hand slid down and to the side, finally cupping the back of Harry's neck. Harry could hear the slight thud of his knuckles against the headboard as Sirius began to knead his neck. "Tell me?"

Harry bit at the corner of his lip, chewing at it with his incisors for a long moment before replying. "I want to do something inappropriate," he said quietly.

"What do you want to do?" Sirius asked just as quietly.

"Kiss you." Harry went back to chewing his lip and waited for Sirius to get upset and leave.

"Harry..." Sirius trailed off and shook his head, smiling. He leaned in and gently pressed his lips to Harry's, kissing him.

Harry's mouth opened in a little gasp of surprise into the kiss.

Sirius chuckled slightly and pulled back. "What did you think those journal entries meant?"

"You said you wouldn't act on it."

"I know. But you did."

"Accidentally," Harry pointed out. "Well, not accidentally exactly, but I didn't know what I was doing wasn't what I was supposed to be doing." He frowned. "All right. Shutting up now." He leaned forward and kissed Sirius again.

Sirius returned the kiss gently; breaking it off and pressing another light kiss to Harry's lips. Harry smiled and licked his lips as Sirius pulled away again.

Sirius reached over and patted Harry's stomach. "Still revolting?"

Harry shook his head gently. "No. It feels good." He grinned. "Butterflies maybe, but stomach is firmly where it belongs."

Sirius nodded. "Good. I'd hate to be kissing you and suddenly find myself introduced to your stomach." He grinned. "That is, of course, only if your esophagus loses."

"I think you're safe."

Sirius leaned back against the headboard. "Good," he repeated. "I'm glad."

Harry nodded and smiled, turning his head to face Sirius and reaching out to grasp Sirius's hand.

Sirius squeezed Harry's hand and looked back. "Like I said, sometimes all it takes is asking."

Harry grinned. "But, see, that'd be easy and, you know, communicative. Can't be that."

He laughed. "I'll have to break you of that habit, then. Because I like the easy way."

Harry threaded his fingers with Sirius's and laughed. "Really? How do you expect to do that?"

"What if I told you that you won't be getting anything until you ask for it?" Sirius raised his eyebrows and smirked.

"I'd probably starve?"

"Excepting food," Sirius amended.

"Mean," Harry commented.

"Effective."

"Don't see how that'd make things easier."

"Less of me attempting - and failing - mind reading that way."

Harry frowned and repeated, "Mean."

"Less mean than other methods."

"Such as?" Harry leaned his head back against the headboard again.

"I haven't actually figured out what those are yet, but I'm sure they exist." Sirius leaned and kissed Harry on the cheek.

"I seem to be fairly bad at asking," Harry pointed out.

"You are," Sirius agreed. "I'll do my best."

"So will I," Harry said.

"Sounds like we have a pretty workable plan, then. What do you think?"

Harry nodded. "Sounds like... and in the spirit of this new plan, with the asking and everything, I don't suppose you'd kiss me again?"

Sirius laughed and in a deep voice said, "Your wish is my command." He reached his free hand up and gently turned Harry's head toward him. "Of course," he smiled and kissed Harry.


End file.
